Its hard to imagine how everything these days often involves money! I hate the thought that almost everything involves moolah! and without it you can't move. you can't go anywhere. you can't survive!

I must say, its a hard life to live without some colorful "valued" paper and a few metallic silver things that say ka-chiing when you group them together in your hands. I can feel the hard life without any penny in my pocket. Not even a "pisong duling" as we call it in our native slang is in my pocket.

Apart from the impression that people I call friends and acquaintances think I am rich, well-off and...well...basically just dont have any problems with money, they're so wrong. I am soo full of problems when it comes to money. If I make a list of what troubles me which involves a money I guess i'll fill up the whole page of a bond paper or even have another page to list excesses. I guess that impression is just based on what they perceive: i live in a big house, I have knowledge of things because I was able to go to school, I speak kind of ok, I know some stuffs about high end gadgets...or let's just say i carry myself just fine wherein people think I am just not having any problems with money.

To tell you honestly, our household is seemingly almost always short of budget. I dont know where the money is going to. Of course we have a lot of expenses for so many of us from so little income but I just dont know where it is going to. Sometimes my grandma who does all the budgeting fails to pay electric, water bills, we fall short of toiletries, and even the little fancy things we need for ourselves we cannot afford! If I am going to think about it, the household income is kind of enough for everything but it just so happens that everything is just not enough.

Anyway...it just is very tiring to think of. I wanted to get a job! The problem is there's no job available for me in this little town. No wonder everyone is suffering from being unemployed in this town and the loneliness of going away just to find greener pastures. i wish I could go away to look for greener pastures myself. Yet...the question is, am I ready? Am i ready to go away? Am i ready physically? Am I ready to be separated from people I live my whole life with. And most of all, is my health capable of taking me places?

Money... where are you? Why can't you just fill my room so i'll have no problem living my life.

I still can't figure out why everything often involves money. Even little things like going out with friends, dating, going places, eteceteras involves this semi evil thing called money.

No wonder I havent explored even the cheapest nearby hotspots this town has to offer and no wonder I am still single, not dating, because I have no single penny to spend.