So I started going out, hanging out, wasting time…again…after a month of relaxing at home and recuperating a disorder which had no name.

But I needed the doctor’s assurance and permission if I could go back to my regular activities. And by regular activities I meant going out, hanging out, wasting time, getting drunk, smoking my lungs out, feasting my eyes on good looking to a …well…not so good looking boys (since there’s not much cute guys around town hehehe), and sleeping when the sun is almost rising.

Joke!

I can’t sleep late (but started sleeping late again 3 days ago…shit!). I can’t smoke (but began smoking again,fuck!), but I can drink alcohol a few times except gin which happens to be a favorite. Sadly. My neurologist slash psychiatrist told me to regulate my drinking, and to not take any of my medication if I intended to drink, however. But with my friends…drinking is not something we plan ahead of time. Once we get together, we suddenly fall on to having a bottle do the rounds.

Anyway, I had a follow check up on March 27th with the neurologist who attended to me when I was hospitalized. I knew he was a neurologist, yes, but I didn’t know he also is a doctor of psychiatry. Looking for his name at the center’s directory I couldn’t believe my eyes when it read:

Raymund I. Gacias M.D., F.P.N.A.
Neurology – Psychiatry

I am crazy. I started to laugh.

What am I going to do with a psychiatrist?

And so, I have the same diagnosis I had with myself. I have some form of neuralgia. He did a few familiar physical tests, interviewed, and conversed with me. Finally he gave me same medications except myonal. He also gave me this discount card (since it costs quite expensive for a no income generating individual like me) for neurontin since I’ll be taking that until I see no signs of this symptom I still feel from time to time. And if it worsens like suddenly loose motor control I’ll have MRI done and perhaps decide what to do with me from then. I hope that does not happen. I will also still have to take Xanor when I have to since the doctor said I have the tendency to overreact to certain symptoms, thus, anxiety. And I guess he is right. Whenever I feel something strange there I go flipping pages of several medical books in the shelf. As a matter of fact all of the references I scan and read during the past month have been stacked still in my bedroom floor.

The problem with xanor is that it’s not always available. My earlier prescription is out of date already and I only have purchased 2. Yesterday I was to buy at least 4 pills just in case I need to calm myself and again it was not available.

When I spoke with Dr. Gacias about my concern why I’m taking Xanor and the possibility of getting hooked, he told me to control myself not to get addicted. But I have the possibility to do so since I was hooked to smoking for several years and quitting was damn hard. He was to issue me a non-addictive anti anxiety drug which I can take daily but the price is a pain in the pocket. So I said Xanor will be ok. I’m not taking it anyway. I still have that 2 pills I bought

I am ok as far as I know. I still feel the tingling at times. I started to feel it again yesterday and right now but I am less worried. Or should I? I could but I have to try a different approach to this rather than worry and kill myself with that.