I am never myself these days. Or, is it that this being not myself is actually myself all the while and the only way I am not myself (when I tag it as I am not being myself) is when I am actually ... well ... in a good mood. Wait. I am confused. Did I just say that? I confused myself there.

See, I guess I am not myself at all...ok...let me say it again, I Am Myself again(almost always actually)! Don't tell me I am loosing my mind 'cause I am pretty aware I may be am. Being in a good mood for me these days is a rare thing to happen. Sure. I know. I row my own boat. And its definitely my bad if I row it on a stomy weather. So dont think I dont know what I am doing becuase i definitely do. I have my options to choose from, but you know what, its not about options. Its about a limited options to nonexisting options, say, things I make up and, like, wanna choose from. Yeah, crazy. So actually, when you're limited from doing the things you actually wanna do, you get all tensed, imaginative, and kind of loose yourself then puff!! You're one pathetic unorganized son of a bitch!

I don't know whats going on with my leg, by the way. A week ago, while on the phone with my friend AnnaLeah, my left foot itched. I scratched it with my right heel. I guess I scratched it too hard unconsciously as I laugh on the phone with my friend. First layer of my skin there was scraped and it sting. Normally, it just turn into a brownish color after a scrape, and it did. But I wasn't expecting that several days after it will turn out into a disaster. I dont know what to call this scrape turned to minor abrasion to a fucking wound! When I get wounds I get lymph nodes and when I get lymph nodes thats when I determine it to be a semi serious wound. Yesterday, I can barely walk! Oh, yeah, I can barely walk even without the lymph nodes but it rather made me wanna just lay down in bed until it goes away. But I didn't. I went out walking with my friend Lee Jack. When I got home past midnight, turned the tv on I felt like I was going to catch a fever so I decided to take some antibiotics for the wound and went to sleep. So yeah, other that the wound which I still have by the way, I dont know what happening with my right leg: the one broken, crushed, locked and nailed in steel one. Well I can walk, thats one thing I am happy about actually. Bbut I dont know if I should be like jumping for joy from being able to walk at least a little bit better. I cant wait to see my doctor on the 8th so I'd know what's going on.

On the same leg still, last night on my way to Lee Jack's I felt a strange muscle pain on my right foot. The pain is located underneath the left strap of my flipflops (slippers). I tried to recall what i did in order for me to determine why it gave me that pain all of a sudden but I couldnt think of anything other that trying to raise my heel on my toes from the ground (err..got it?). Anyway, it still is aching but maybe it'll just go away soon.

Now what I am afraid of is I may have diabetes. My younger sister who is a graduate of nursing (and waiting for the results of the nursing board which she took two weeks ago) told me i may have type 1 diabetes since its strange that minor wounds that I get last for weeks and sadly, yes sadly, sometimes to a year (unless treated with the wonderful cream I wanna have again CLOBESALIC). My grandmother agreed. She, too, was diagnosed with diabetes (i dont know what type) but I think she's getting off of it from the drugs she has been taking. Diabetes is in my family's lineage. My great grandmother (my grandmother's mom) died of diabetes on 1998. Yaya, as we, grandchildren and great grandchildren call her, had her left (if i am not mistaken) middle finger amputated and after a year when they cut that finger off, one of her big toe-finger got cut off. I dont remeber which big toe was it. So I am afraid this diabetes may have fallen on me! This July since i am going to my doctor for a check up, we may as well have my blood sugar checked and en route to a dermatologist for this eczemous looking wounds I got from mosquito bites as well as other skin problems I am having! Talk about unfair[ness]. Wherever did this bad skin lineage came from, mother side - father side, Good job in making my life miserable! oh just kidding! at least I am alive and still kicking (only left leg is able to that by the way.)

I just hope all these assumptions about me having diabetes is incorrect. All brought about by paranoia! Well, just in case, I need some good meal plans and everything healthy. Now that sucks, big time, doesn't it?

Lastly last saturday I was at my friend Maricon's (whos picture I forgot to take but she has on her camera which I forgot to ask) for the baranggay fiesta! Although it was raining, Lee Jack and I went. The plan was right after Maricon's we will hang out at AnnaLeah's. But it took us hours before we could even hang out at Annaleah's. We had brandy at Maricon's. Two grandes of Matador Brandy which by the way only Lee Jack and I finished up to the very last drop! I was surprised to see two of my high school batch mates, Luke and Timothy, at Maricon's house. I haven't seen them both after graduation on March 1997 so it was kind of awkward at first to converse with them (not to mention that they dont know about my openness about my sexuality compared back then). Well, thnaks to Matador, it loosened me up and started to become talkative and as normal as it would sound when I am drunk, flirted a little bit with Luke. LOL. Flirted in a friendly way. It's Lee Jack who flirted too much on Luke since Lee Jack came from a diffirent highschool among us. and they just first met, and probably will never meet again, as far as my assumption goes. Anyway, right after getting a little too tipsy, we went to AnnaLeahs. Here are pictures to end today's post:


So this is Luke. Brainy in HS.Mathwiz. Chemical Engineer by profession


Luke and I. Me=drunk


This is Timothy. In HS he only has the award for Mother Rita Barcelo Loyalty Excellence Award (if I am not mistaken). and it is a huge gold plated medal. College Professor by profession in Ateneo de Naga University.


Well...Me! Again.


AnnaLeah's cute cute bitch.


Again, two bitches that gets along too well.


Finally, a teaser! Oh let me be your teaser whoever you are. That's the least I can do. :-D well... to just a few people. I am so glad virtually no one actually visit this blog. i do not have to worry about wrong grammar, that I can't write or the funny boldy blody kind of picture i took of myself.


So if you're a frequent here, sHhHhHhh...let it be your secret. I ditch popularity.