Weird Day. I slept all day even if after logging out from posting yesterday I had a full eight hour sleep! The weather was just so terribly stifling after the typhoon that I decided to lie down then fell asleep! Actually, I was feeling too lazy to do anything when I woke up (must be that little hang over).

It's crazy, too, cause I keep thinking about this never ending quest for L-O-V-E. Ever since this crazy heart of mine learned to long for this thing called Love and all its strings attached, I've been wanting it. I was never actually fortunate to find it, or maybe I was, I just dont know it already came ... or ... was too afraid to commit.

Just before I signed in to Blogger to post I received this forwarded email from my friend Godwin. It's all about the crazy thing called love, its contradiction and what the hell it can actually do. Sorry its in tagalog and I dont have the power to translate it.

Nakakatawa talaga ang love. Isa siyang napakalaking
oxymoron. Lahat ng pwede mong masabi sa kanya,
baliktarin mo at totoo pa rin. Ang labo di ba? Pero
ang linaw.

Masaya magmahal. Malungkot magmahal. Di mo
naiintindihan pero naiintindihan mo. Walang rason.
Maraming rason. Di mo na kaya, pero kaya mo pa rin.
Masakit magmahal. Pero okey lang. Leche, ano ba
talaga?!

May kaibigan ako, sabi niya dati "Love is only for
stupid people." Nakakatawa kasi laude ang standing
niya, pero dumating ang panahon, na-in-love din ang
hunghang. At ayun, tanga na siya ngayon. Lahat kasi ng
nahahawakan ng love nagiging oxymoron din. O kaya
paminsan, nagiging moron lang.

Hindi lang kasi basta baliktaran ang pag-ibig. Lahat
ng bagay nababaligtad din niya. Lahat ng malalakas na
tao, humihina. Ang mayayabang, nagpapakumbaba. Ang mga
walang pakialam, nagiging Mother Teresa. Ang mga
henyo, nauubusan ng sagot. Ang malulungkot, sumasaya.

Nakakatawa talaga. Lalo na kapag dumadating siya sa
mga taong ayaw na talaga magmahal. Napansin ko nga eh.
Parang kung gusto mo lang ma-in-love ulit, sabihin mo
lang ang magic words na "Ayoko na ma-inlove!" biglang
WACHA! Ayan na siya. Nang-aasar. Magpapaasar ka naman.

Di ba nakakatawa rin na pagdating sa problema ng ibang
tao, ang galing-galing mo? Pero 'pag problema mo na
yung pinag-uusapan parang nawawalan ng saysay lahat ng
ipinayo mo dun sa namomroblemang tao? Naiisip mong
wala namang mali dun sa mga sinabi mo. Pero bakit
parang wala ring tama?

Bali-baliktad din ang nasasabi ng mga taong tinamaan
ng madugong pana ng pag-ibig. "Ngayon ko lang nalaman
ganito pala. Sabi ko na eh!" "Ang sarap mabuhay. Pwede
na 'ko mamatay. Now na!"

At hindi lang 'yon. Ang sarap din pagtawanan ng mga
taong alam naman nilang masasaktan lang sila eh
magpapatihulog pa rin sa bangin ng pag-ibig. Tapos
'pag luray-luray na yung puso nila, siyempre hindi
sila yung may kasalanan. Siya! "Bakit niya 'ko
sinaktan?" May kasama pang pagsuntok sa pader yon, at
pagbabagsak ng pinto. Hayop talaga.

Mauubos ang buong magdamag ko kakasabi ng mga bagay na
nakakatawa 'pag pag-ibig na ang pinag-usapan. Ang
daming beses ko na kasi siyang nakasalubong kaya
masasabi ko nang eksperto na 'ko. Pero wala pa rin
akong alam.

Pero ang pinakanakakatawa sa lahat ay ang katotohanang
kapag gusto magpatawa ng pag-ibig, ipusta na mo na
lahat ng ari-arian mo dahil siguradong ikaw ang
punchline.

Nakakatawa no?

Nakakaiyak.

You see, I know what Love is, but i dont know what love really is ....
And the more I think about it, the more i will torture my disfunctional brain! So anyway, ... I am afraid to commit. I'll settle to that and should entertain the fact that I, am really afraid to commit! I know I've been wanting for a love life, the feeling it actually can give you but its just that when its there, i come running and hide! So i guess, i am a teaser as what webfriends would tell me. I am sorry if I seem to tease but, really, when I say those flowery words I MEAN it only that I am afraid to really settle. In what, you may ask? I will most probably answer, I dont know.

Yesterday's pics, I was with this younger guy I "dated". Well, he actually tried to date me, perhaps 2 - 3 years ago (?) LOL. But he was underage so I slightly entertained the fact that he really likes me. After weeks of getting comfortable with each other I distanced myself from him until it finally just went on to a memory. Then he saw me again on the 27th of April during the Gay Cotillion. I didn't recognize him when he actually tried to get near me and like say "hello". its only until Lee Jack told me it is him, so I kind of greeted him like a long lost friend because I ignored his effort to greet me. Last night, i saw him again but it was just brief. I dont wanna recall what was...

eeeeeehhhhnnnyyyywaaaayyy.... i dont wanna talk about it.

...Neither this crazy thing called L-O-V-E. I'll just settle with friends as of yet since its better to have good friends. Plus, I am not ready for anything serious actually. I know, there are times when i wanna wake up with someone and see that someone on the other side of the bed...but thats just "sometimes" (err...not with the sex thing 'cause sex is just an added flavor to the comfort of being with someone or needing someone). The comfort of having friends is just as good as having that lover. But how about my need for sex??? well... its been a long while I never have sex...so I can pretty well manage that craving. For heaven's sake, that is why I have hands!! :-D

Alryt, here are pictures on the 27th of April during the GAY COTILLION which was long overdue. These are my gay friends in town. There's a video clip that I have to upload to but it exceeds the lenght allowed. I'll try to edit it and post it.