I’ve spoken about the fish. The most beautiful fish I have seen so far in this post one-leg-walking life. That is not all there is. I have not spoken what I truly felt about the fish nor have decided for myself if this fish is worth the catch.

But…

Life is good so far.

I was busy for several weeks. Unfortunately I will be back to the same old routine. I took a job on the 13th of this month; I was on the job training. A telemarketer for timeshare, a sort of like that. It’s a 4am to 1pm job. That schedule took much of my time sleeping afterwards. Then wake up again and shower and go to that stupid job. Needless to say, I got tired.

Since the job was based in Naga City, and it takes me less than hour to get there by car it was indeed so tiring waking up at 2am to prepare myself for it. At that time of the night, there’s no public transportation yet. I can’t drive that far for I have no license to drive so my uncle drives for me. The “devastating” part there was that I spent too much money for gasoline. I mean it is not an issue at all because I have committed myself to the job. But not anymore… that is why I find it rather a wreck in the pocket because I will not be getting any after all that dedication to wake up early and bother the Americans to sign up for an appointment.

In that week, I have signed up 1 client. For this coming week I have two pending appointments but I think that won’t matter anymore. I am not going back to work there anyway. I have decided not to last Saturday morning when I woke up. There are reasons for that. Some personal, and some concerns were not worth mentioning anymore anyway. I just thought that I will not be a very effective employee there. I am not a good salesman.

Of course I needed to inform Ms Charlotte (my immediate superior, as well as co trainee back at InfoNXX some years back) about this impulsive decision. I informed her yesterday afternoon thru text message. She did not reply. I saved the messaged though, just in case.

Its thanksgiving last week so there’s no work last Friday since its Thursday in the US. My co trainees did have a long weekend ahead and as of yours truly, it will be long long weekends…again.

~~~~oo0ooo~~~~

Early this month, I had a love affair. Had because at present I realized it is not a solid love affair. Are you familiar with this line I heard some where: do you love/want me because you need me or do you need me because you love/want me? ? I battled my thought which is better between the two. With the help of Quintin, my co trainee as a telemarketer as well as a new found friend, I came up with a realization that the latter is better than the former.

On November 8 this someone and I agreed to be “lovers”. I quote it because even if I feel a strong emo about us, I am not sure about his. Even at the onset of agreeing with what we will be, I was sure, I am fooling myself for a truth known as a lie. Later on, I proved myself the deliberate truth about it. There are situations that led to a realization that what we have is, really, a sort of a lie. Something like he doing me a favor of being his partner, and me doing him a favor of whatever it was or is that I don’t exactly know. The frustrating part is that we don’t get to be together. We are like lovers via text message. And at times he doesn’t text. It’s like as if he lives miles away from me, but, guess what, he lives just 6 houses away from mine. We are neighbors! So what’s the point in all that?

We have not ended anything we have started. I tried, but he said it’s up to me…then later on he said ‘no, I don’t want us to end’. It would have been sweet if what we have is for real. But it isn’t. Even if he said it is for real, I don’t think it is for real at all. Why? Well, I just feel it isn’t real. My feelings are strong, not because I’m being skeptic/sceptic, I just feel it is not true.

I am letting what we have just go by. But I am not investing any of my emotions anymore unlike during the first few days. Just for the heck of it, let me call ourselves a couple. Ahh…we don’t even call ourselves that when with other people. I know he doesn’t tell his friends what I am to him (because I told him not to anyway) nor I admit to mine what we have. I am not proud of this “love affair”. It is a lie. It is so easy to say we love ourselves, or that we are a couple but it is without foundation that is why it is a lie.

Anyway, I know we fall on the do you love/want me because you need me category, thus, it is a lie. And that being a lie, has been over stated in this post! Oh well, let it be. Having a love affair in that category, I just don’t want to be hurt even if the possibility of it is already right in front of me. So, I am careful. I am old enough to steady my emotions to a shebang like this. And oh yea, he is straight! Stupid right??

So much for that, I finally have a boyfriend, (Yay!) even if it is a lie! He is my first boyfriend, technically. And I am his first “gayfriend”, you know, a gay guy to be in a relationship with. And that I believe him, that I am his first “gayfriend”. Again, what we are, though, happens to be in a sort of a lie.

I was with him last Friday for a while. He showed me a photo he took. And I sent it via Bluetooth on my phone. I will keep it. I surely will keep it till I age, or till my phone is working. What’s the photo about? You need not know. Hehehe. I was with him yesterday morning also, for a while.

So…

What’s with the blue Marlin?? I was with the fish together with my other gay friends yesterday afternoon. By 7pm, we went here at home, just the fish and I.

Nothing special.

I was just pressured, that’s what I felt that night, of my gay friends insisting that he go home with me. Although, I wanted to spend a few hours with him alone I couldn’t agree wholeheartedly to the plans my friends set up for us. I was more concerned about what the fish was thinking about it. He couldn’t verbally agree with it as well.

The fish rarely speak to me, neither I am to the specie. When we got to my room, I watched DVD because the fish fell asleep.

The Blue Marlin in the midst of slumber, so pretty and enticing.

Ahhh…the fish…that fish is in here (my hand touching my chest). I get lost of words to say when the fish cross my mind.

Then again, how many blue marlins can a fisherman in a boat catch in every sail? Do you know?

None!

Chances are 1 is to 10. At most times na-da!

Only fishermen with a vessel are able to catch such a beautiful large, edible, shiny, game fishes.

As for I, a lonesome fisherman, sadly, don’t even have a boat.

Visuals

I know, less people read my blog. So here are pics. At least be to be seen. These are soe of the recent pics I took. Due to lack of comfort and my modem betraying me, I cant post all pictures I have taken in the last months.


On Hallooween. My sister and Cousin trippin with themselves.


On Halloween also, My friend Lj and I along with others at the cemetery. Hangin out. :-)

And my "recent face"...




...which in a matter of days (or weeks) has to change. I am going to shave my head again,to get over the heavy load inside. I am crazy. That's how I do it.