Saturday, October 28, 2006
Gay in Despair Episode 1
Life is such a bummer these days for me. Actually, I think it that way most of the time, so nothing’s changed really. But the fact that I am too lazy, sleeping very very late like a lunatic, getting too wasted thinking about some of my life’s issues, I say, I am very worn out like an old, smelly, dirty, holed sock! Lately, thoughts of love, lust, the future is cramming in my soon-to-be-expired brain. Again, these thoughts are nothing new to me. It made me somehow realized that, I am 26 years old, and I still haven’t found the resolution on how I can manage these three altogether. That said, most of my life’s queries and life itself is unmanageable.

I don’t know if I am making sense, because I usually don't. My thinking has lapse.

It’s been awhile I haven’t written anything on this blog nor written anything for myself and vent out my frustrations in this so called life.

So many things happened. There was this one time last month, September, that I suddenly cried after waking up. The weather then was so inviting for mushy thoughts and maybe that contributed to a less gaiety emotion. So tears fell as I sip on a cup of coffee and puff on evil indulgence. Unknowingly about what was to happen a day after that, still carrying a heavy burden of unknown feeling, rain fell quite unstoppable, my sister Iemmee called me up crying. Her voice was trembling, shaking, unable to articulate what she wanted to say. When she finally was able to express what she needed to say, I was in intense displeasure of what I heard, anger, fear rushed to my head and my knees failed me, had me sat like a crazy guy weeping. We were both weeping through satellites.

September 23 at 12:midnyt, about 7pm on September 22 in Dubai, my sister was rushed to a nearby hospital where their flat is. She acquired some second and third degree burn on her right hand. She was to fry lumpia for a get together with her friends who’s with her in Dubai. According to her, while waiting for the oil to heat up, she did something else and overlooked it. The hot oil created fire on the pan and while trying to put it out, the element got her hand and some spills of the hot oil. With the way she described what her hand looked like after the burn that night got me scared to death and the thoughts about what future lies ahead for her, of us, rushed in. I couldn’t stop crying. I called my sister Bouncy to relay to her what happened happened to our sister. And it was such a burden to carry the bad news all to ourselves for my sister, Iemee doesn’t want to have our grandparents (who’s our guardian all along) have any knowledge about it.

For days I was in a state of nothing but sheer fear, loneliness and disgust of what has happened to me a year ago of the same month, and now, my sister. September hasn’t been a lucky month for me at first and we concluded, for us siblings.

Another thing that intensified my fear and sympathy for my sister was that I don’t know how her hand looked like, but I share with her pain. I was imagining all sorts of visuals how her hand woulpd appear once healed. Its terrible! So, I urged her to email me a picture of the injury. But I wasn’t able to view it until a few days ago for the internet connection here at home have been nothing but such a nuisance not to mention electricity was out for weeks due to typhoon. My sister, Bouncy, was able to view the picture and chatted with my Iemmee on cam a week after she got injured. It somehow made us comfortable to talk about what she was going through since it wasn’t that bad as I originally thought it was. I mean it is bad to have your hand get burned, and it will do scar for life, however, accidents do really happen. I apologize for the horrible appearance of the photos of my sister’s then beautiful hand, now scarred, that I am about to share here.


during the night of the injury, i am guessing, this was taken after I called her around 3am.


Oh my God! That's what I said when I first saw this


Its painful, I can feel it...


She’s was on leave from her work for some weeks. She constantly called me during the painful days of the recuperation, sometimes crying. It is safe to say she’s okay now, except for the financial state, of course. Her hand has not healed at all yet and is contracted due to immobilization for quite a time. By this time, my grandparents already knew what happened to her. She called grandma and told her about the incident. I am not sure though if my grandpa have any knowledge of it.

Let me take this oppurtunity to say my generous appreciation to those who helped her and showed their own generous ways as one “good Samaritan”. Some individuals who shared the emotional pain from my sister’s tragedy, Many thanks! My sister, has ‘emmanuel’ always by her side ( and friends to treasure) as well as those who willingly sympathized with her in physical pain. Again, in behalf of the family, many many thanks, especially to Ryan.
1 Comments:
Blogger Hazen said...
Are you in despair because of your circumstances?

Or in despair only because you are gay?

Being gay is fun. Being young (26) and gay is totally cool. Being young, gay, multilingual, from Asia and good looking is even better.

Hugs