I actually do not have anything to say or have anything to release from my system. Blogging or getting my thoughts in to words somehow becomes a stress buster for me. Since my last post, everything seems ok. Seems, because I feel totally fine since then. I have no queries about life, nor have any distressing moments. Well, except for one thing. I might not be celebrating Christmas with my family for the first time. I casually mentioned in my previous post that I will be leaving the country soon. I wanted to leave after Christmas so I could spend it with my family and friends here but my sister wants me to go to her as soon as possible.

And it is not just for her to have someone close to her to be just at reach when the need for something arises. After all, she’s married now and she has few of her friends there as well. This journey is for me, a journey to get on track with my life again. After two years of being plain and worthless, I have to get on and, finally, live the real life again. The real life in the real world where there are deadlines, 9 hours of labor, getting paid, rush hours, lack of sleep and, well, spending a well deserve break from what we call work.

For two years, I have done nothing. I have not established anything for myself. And it’s time to make sacrifices for a better me, and a better future.

Also, for two years, I nonchalantly hoped for a love affair. But I guess I am never lucky in love.

Also, for two years, I have realized, I only have a few friends. Most of them who I thought were friends are just mere acquaintances.

Also, for two years, nothing has change. All the things I dream of when I was a few years younger have not happened. There were a few desires and fancies that happened but they never were permanent.

So after two years of just living a plain, boring, waiting for something to happen like love, for instance, I have to sacrifice and get into my system that sometimes to reach for a dream we have to leave the past behind.

To reach for a dream we have to establish a will driven self even if breaking away from the things we got used to seem agonizing.

It is true, nothing in this world is permanent but change. Attachments, dependence are disturbance in making a beautiful life of our own. After all, everything changes and everything will never be the same again.

A week ago, I received a message [from the unrequited love of my life] it says that “it’s childish to think that if you simply allow the world to spin around you and let things happen everything will be ok. Life is not an existence, it’s an experience. I say, grow up, make mistakes, take risks, maybe even fall in love, take part, have faith. Life is too short to be wasted on “maybes” and “if onlys”…. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, its still you who decides.”

It struck me that indeed I just allowed the world to spin around me. I cannot believe that five years of learning what we call psychology and took lessons on what we call philosophy, I just simply let everything happen by itself. Have I forgotten or I just did not learn anything because I am stubborn? Or maybe I was too secured that everything will be just fine? Well, today, it occurred to me, everything will not be “just fine” if I stay in this lifestyle of just letting the world to spin on me.

I have to learn that sacrifice is not a tragedy at all but instead, in my heart I know, sacrifice is the source of pleasure and joy.

Well, after all the free flow of thoughts from my head through my fingers, I actually do have something to say or have something to release from my system. As it always been, blogging or getting my thoughts in to words became a stress buster for me. Since my last post, I thought everything was ok. So I seemed, because I feel totally fine since then. But deep within, I have ignored that I do have queries about life, and did have a distressing moment.

So my word from today up to the coming year is sacrifice. I will grow up, make mistakes, take risks, take part, and have faith. In a couple of weeks or so, I momentarily will leave the people I love and the few I have established friendship with. In a couple of weeks or so, I have to leave all these things that I got used to. I know this time, if I spin the world myself, everything will be just fine. I am hoping it will be.