Now that I only have a few friends physically there for me, I guess it would be the right time to pursue my dreams that I myself have put on to a long hiatus. No blame to anyone for that decision but myself. Lets just say, I wanted much to explore the things I should’ve had explored when I was still in high school.

Back then I had not done many things. I was hindered by my own idealism which at this moment doesn’t seem right. Perhaps I should’ve just gone with the flow. Looking back makes me want to regret the wasted times but doing so would not change anything. I don’t wanna admit it but, really, I did not enjoy my younger years. Let me say its all because of my idealism…my view of how should my life be in the future…and my desires of how a teenager should live his life.

Now you ask, how should a teenager live his life? As a matter of fact, I don’t know. All I know back then was I wanted to live it like how one tree hill, dawson’s creek teenager’s live their teenage lives. Even if these series wasn’t on air then, how they live their lives is how I wanted my life as teenager had been lived.

But there’s no turning back now. The things is, I tried to make it happen after I was done with college which I can say was not that bad. However, I have given in the money making life after the academe just because I wanted to fulfill my stupid desires as a teenager. My real world life was sacrificed.

So where am I now?

…have wasted time, almost in a hurry to be in pace with how a 27 year old should live life: a job, a bank account, a visa or a mastercard, a loft, or a house, properties, working and traveling, a partner, sex life, after work parties, health insurances, pay taxes, a business…all that for success.

Now that I only have two friends physically there to make me company, I have decided to put an end to all these living la vida loca of a teenager. Re-creating the teenager in me perhaps was such a bad idea to begin with.

But…

…no regrets for, as we all know, it would not change anything.


What’s the deal with me having only two friends? Don’t get me wrong, my friends are still there. It’s just that they’re busy with their own money making lives. My friend Lorean is already a lawyer. I went to her office last Friday for a friendly visit. Another friend, AnnaLeah, is working on building her house in a very nice community in Naga City after which she’ll go back to Japan where she spent most of her years after highschool and found a very loving partner who I haven’t met personally yet. While some of my friends are fulfilled with their married-career driven lives, single mom lives whereas the rest, is busy with work and living their profession to earn a living, independently and of course living out their dreams and their seen purpose in life.

Stop!

Am I dying or something? It seems to me I am deeply looking back at my past!

Anyway, I broke off with the person I considered my best friend, Lee Jack, a little over two months ago. I guess its better that way although I never wanted our friendship to end just because I hurt him, when all I thought I was forgiven. Even if I asked for his pardon and he even assured me of his compassion, he still took me for granted after that. Perhaps, it’s never too good to assume about everything, my bad. To which made me conclude later on, when all I thought I do, that I really do not know who really is this person I considered my best friend. Then I thought, maybe, our individual differences has just gone soaring that we came to a point that we cannot stand each other. Not that I can’t stand his tattletale, fashionably-trendy-artistic-breaking-the-mainstream-ideas, mister-know-it-all, opinionated self. As a matter of fact it’s who he is that I have known. Those are his traits that made my ex best friend the best in the world!

So all that ten years of friendship, more or less, is in the gutter. Blame my pride or his rock hard pride for having it that way, but I’m not giving in to reconciling with him unless he does the first move. Even if he does, what we were will never be. We can reconcile but that chapter where the Lee Jack and Emman tandem, where most of our friends, the people who barely knew us but see us, and the community have known, is rather close. As a matter of fact, people still ask me of Lee Jack when they see me hanging out with either two of my physically present friends, to which I simply say, “I do not know” or “maybe he’s at his house”. For now, he’s having fun with the person he closely resembles to which I cannot contest to. After all, it’s his life, and as for me, its time to move on.

They say life will never be the same. True. But if it’s for the best, so be it. It’s a cliché, I guess, and that I heard somewhere that life sometimes has to give up something for the best. I guess our friendship is one of them. So there are three things I just wanna say to Lee Jack as a bid of parting to our seemingly invincible friendship: 1. all the best to him 2. May he be happy with his chosen path, and 3. Thank you for the friendship.

For I, on the other hand, will certainly continue my now beautifully begotten life.


My Latest Friend





Funny. But I call this goat, My Friend, each time I am to feed him. I named him that. this lovely creature that keeps saying "mmeee-mheeeehhe" everytime she sees my grandfather or I was a gift from a friend of my grandparents on their 50th Wedding Anniversary. There was two of them but they slaughter the other one last June. I pity the creature. I never tasted the meat.