Allow me to say something about a friend who became one of my closest for several months now. After being tandem-tagged with a former friend, I luckily break away from that but not to say that I didn’t like being with my good ex-friend. He has always been as good as he could. It is sad to loose a good friend like him because of a little misunderstanding gone badly and pride. But perhaps, like I said in my previous post, sometimes what we thought forever may not just be forever.

“Are you sexually active?” as Isagani “Gani” Lopez would say is one probable question you would most likely hear from him if you get introduced. That is because he is. He is also, gay.

I’ve known Gani for almost 5 or 6 years already but we never got this close until only last May. It was in the process of getting to know each other and, of course, eliminating all doubts about our own negative perspective towards one another one by one.



I never am that judgmental towards anybody who I haven’t met personally. It is very common to people to have opinions about others and sometimes their opinions are not just very nice. And it is somehow normal for people who hear negative opinions about a person to be the basis of their impressions. Sometimes, it becomes the end-all-be-all of everything. In my case, however, I don’t take those opinions for granted but they never become the means to define the person who I have never even conversed or get to know. And so, they became doubts hanging in the closet.

With Gani, that was the case. If words can kill, he may have several deaths already! Gani was constantly mocked behind his back for his abilities by some gay people we know, at least used to. They would say something like “degree holder na nag puputos sa lumpia” (he’s a degree holder who wraps lumpia and sells them) in a really spiteful tone and would theatrically mimic Gani’s mannerisms on how he would belittle those who belittle him as well. It’s like a dog eat dog thing among them, stabbing themselves behind their backs. But with Gani, his backstabbing is just to retaliate and from what I have observed, his’ is in line to truth.



He is an example of the typically misunderstood person maybe because he is loud, “valerya” as we would say in the gay slang locally (which means being mean, basically). Gani is known to be money oriented. Money oriented I would mean to say that he base everything, well, almost everything with money. And I don’t think that is a bad thing. He is just being particularly practical about almost everything since money is tight for him. He lost his parents several years already so he is earning for himself, and for his other siblings/relatives not to mention his “husband”. In my relationship with him, my doubts about our closeness and of what we think about each other individually are laid out and we talk about it openly, almost. Overall, if you don’t know Gani, you would think Gani is selfish, arrogant, despicable, and everything to him has a price tag.

I knew all about this negativity about him for years, not to mention he was rumored to have stolen something from someone (which isn’t true). And as I hang out with him and began conversing with him about almost everything, my closet full of doubts is little by little being emptied. I knew now where is Gani coming from. I mean, yes, all that impressions about Gani is in one way or another true but they are not bad at all if you only knew what is behind all that defenses.

Yes, Gani is a degree holder and he wraps and sells lumpia. From that little business of his, he was able to get that degree, purchase for himself a motorcycle, pay his bills and have little for recreation. Those who mock him for being in a sense poor because he has to wrap and sell that thinly filled lumpia and earn a living from that doesn’t know what its like to be pleased of that little achievement which in time will become something to really be PROUD of. As the saying goes “Big things come from small beginnings”. It is true for him.

Gani is selfish because he is a typical gay person who yearns to be loved. But aren’t we all? He may have thought that everything has a price tag, even in love, because a number of gay men in the country buy love, he’s not alone in that aspect. I really can’t blame him if that’s what he thought of since it is definitely hard to be ultimately happy with someone you are not sure loves you back. The giving of something is what secures the seemingly superficial happiness that somehow fills the void in deep. To be loved back if you’re not secure of some matters is a big thing. What’s good about all that is he knows exactly what he is doing and why is he like that. His selfishness should not be mistaken because lets look into ourselves, aren’t we selfish ourselves of the things we do not have control of? Another things is, in a completely different aspect of being selfish, his opinion is what I own is mine, so respect that.

There may be price tags for everything for Gani, but it isn’t exactly like that. He is a “businessgayman”. Every job you do for me and every job I do for you has a penny attached to it. Pay me in accordance with what job I can do for you, vice versa, only if money is involved. Usually, people who are like that are really misunderstood. Lets be honest, money is very essential these days even if we have just about enough of it. Well, charity may not be in Gani’s vocabulary as it seems but, no, he knows how to help and when to help.

Gani is arrogant because of his achievements in life. His arrogance exudes which becomes a point of ridicule by some. He is indeed a strong person and what he went through and is going through in his life makes him even stronger to face life’s unfair treatment. Now isn’t that something to really be proud of? He unconsciously shows this arrogance in ways that does not tune up with the demands of observers that’s why people think of this arrogance as something that depletes his integrity. He may lack humility in himself but it is something he can be most capable of. His modesty radiates from other things in a different form. And if you know what they are you would admire Gani for that.

You may not like to be around Gani because you may think he is a disgrace because of his being arrogant, loud, money oriented life and so on but to me, Gani is one hell of a good decent friend! And I like having him around! He may be very outspoken about what he thinks of you or in general but isn’t that a good thing? You not only get what other people think of you, you in part get to asses yourself. Gani is being true to himself and it is a brave effort to let others know what and who he is. And it is a double dose of valor in his part to accept their impressions and criticisms and learn from it as well as be open for defeat. His sharp mouth may hurt but he is open for enlightenment to change that sharp words.

Gani is, most of all, a believer. He prays for the Lord’s guidance and more strength. Even if he is a sinner, like we all are, he believes in God and has strong faith. I especially like it when we discuss about our beliefs and what we think of God! His humor is incomparable. He is trustworthy, and is definitely a very good friend.

If I may define what a good friend is to the best of my knowledge is someone who would tell you upfront what he doesn’t like about you, he would tell you his intentions, secrets are kept and I mean not totally kept but would protect you in the best that he could if you have something going on in your life. A good friend will tell you what others think of you constructively, even if it’s something bad. A good friend would not only tell you what you should do but will give you guides on how you will do it. A good friend knows when not to talk but just to listen. A good friend does not make you any less of what he is. A good friend shares. A good friend understands when you mention something bad about him or does not agree with a certain thing and you both discuss it in a mature, good natured manner to come up to common ground, with no grudges inside. A good friend gives way. A good friend teaches you what he thinks will be best for you if asks for it. And most of all a good friend doesn’t just show you when to have good time but also to have a one hell of a blast!



In more ways than one, Gani has been that good friend. His negative personality people sees is actually not a bad thing. He knows what he is doing and why he is doing it, and to me that is enough to understand his demeanors. He may aggravate some people but that is utterly nothing but a joke (although some of his jokes are kind of true but it means nothing at all). I may not know him that well and there are still a few hangers of doubts in the closet but I definitely would want to commend him for being the friend that I needed to be in the special list of my best friends in the gay category. I don’t want to think that I am benefiting from his friendship but it is true. I am learning from Gani, and I hope he is also learning from me. I am having fun in a totally different way. No pretensions, no inhibitions. And it is just so good being true to myself (of course, without getting in other people’s ways). So far that is what Gani has taught me.

We will not be tandem-tagged even if we hang out more often than usual. People see us together at times or along with Jeric (Gani’s best friend). Gani and Jeric is the tandem. And I am not to break that. I know where I stand in this friendship. I am just in a definitely good time hanging out with them both!


gani with a cute boy named Andrew

Labels: friends, gay, people, persons