Two nights in Dubai….

On the first night, a tear fell when I sat on the stairs outside the pad and watched the cars pass by. I was lonely. Tears are on the brim of my eyes and if I continued to sulk and feel the mellow night in this foreign land, they may have fallen in buckets…with deep sobs and enormous sighs. I miss home. I miss Sta. Lucia. I miss Nabua.

I especially miss the familiar faces I almost always come across with even if there was no relationship entwined. Here in Dubai, perhaps the population of Filipinos dominated the second largest residents who are the Indians and the Pakistans. But the Filipino faces I see here since I got here are not like the hospitable, smiling and friendly faces I see back home. Perhaps because this is a foreign country the Filipino aura has changed together with this country as this is a lot different from the Philippines in terms of culture and behavior.

Dubai sure is clean compared back home. I am lucky I got here on a pretty weather: chilly during the early morning and late in the afternoons up to the starless but brightly lit night. My sister told me, when it’s not winter, the heat can almost burn your skin making it seemingly impossible to walk to work or just stroll by the area. As I write this now, I am covered with thick comforter from head to feet because I feel terribly cold as if my body’s getting numb almost impossible to move them. Well, that’s not because the temperature here fell below zero celcius but because the air conditioning is so high that I feel like as if I am inside a freezer! I cannot lower the temperature because the AC is being shared with the other occupants in this small room partitioned in half resembling a shoebox room. Nevertheless, the climate outside this midnight is still a little cool that if I stay long enough without a sweatshirt on, I might chill.

But it’s not the weather that’s bothering me or making me miss home. It’s the people. Or maybe I am not still used to seeing scary looking Pakistans, or funny sounding Indians and sophisticated Arabs much more that the Filipinos here has transformed into different beings. I cannot put into words how am I going to describe my observation of my fellow countrymen. They’re just different. I don’t feel the warmth, the hospitality and the politeness they [do] usually bestow when in our own home country. Maybe because they have to blend in with the culture.

I also miss my spacious room, which I appreciate, now that I am in a very small room together with my sister and her husband. I grew up very rich in terms of space: surroundings, leniency, open culture and all that. Here, I feel like as if I am totally barred of everything! Sure this is an open city but still there are do’s and don’ts that I have to keep in mind every time I’m outside this shoebox. Like, I have to be extra cautious with my gestures for they might be offensive in this muslim country. Even I haven’t ride the bus as of yet, I was told the ladies regardless of what nationality is separated from the male commuters. And that they always comes first priority. That, I have no qualms since females should be given that respect even if it’s not much. Yet the thought that you cannot mingle with the females, even if the intention of harassing them is no where in my vocabulary, while traveling whether on a short distance or not, is absurd. But that’s their law. At first I was also weirded out when I saw for the very first time the ladies all covered in black gowns where the eyes could only be seen. At Bahrain International Airport, I got a little scared that I literally kept my distance from them. I was like a child who saw a scary creature opposed from the “white lady” the Filipino folklore has. Who wouldn’t be? They look really scary with their outfits all dressed in cotton-silk black overalls wherein their deep dark eyes, hands and shoes are the only ones being seen. I cannot help but wonder what they’re missing. They cannot flaunt their signature D&G’s, CKs, Zara’s, etcs. They cannot show their beautiful figures and their sophisticated faces (there are few of them who show their faces though). They cannot sport their fashion enthusiasm of mix and matching designer or non designer clothes. And this observation comes with the males as well, all dressed in white overalls with a whatever-that-thing-they-put-on-their-heads are called. Like yesterday, as we stopped for the red light exiting Al Karamah, there’s this cute and hot looking young Arabian driving a hot car with his hood/veil and black rings on his head dressed in his white gown who stopped beside my brother-in-law’s chevvy. Maybe he caught a glimpse of me unconsciously gazing through his lightly tinted window (but I wasn’t actually looking at him at all, but the view beyond), my sister motioned me to look at him since he abruptly took off his veil and put on a very expensive black baseball cap, which by the way, made him even look cuter as his skin tone and briskly shaven jaws appeared in light…my knees wobbled when I saw him transform to a modern man showing his intense but gentle facial features. My sister said he smiled when he caught his gaze on us. That, among other simple observation from these young Arabians in terms of how they dress up is just whether or not they’re obeying the culture they have grown up to or is afraid to fully dress up the way we democrats sport our fashion, amazes me. I also saw funny looking females in their black gowns faces covered but wearing green sneakers, and platform shoes popularized by “japayuki” entertainers. Their gown looks best with slippers and sandals by the way. I cannot help but wonder what’s underneath those gowns. I mean, what clothes do they wear underneath those black cotton-silk or white gowns. However conventional it is, most of them look elegant the way they wear it.

You see, those queries as to how can they be fashionable in those identical looking gowns they wear were answered when I went to the Bur Juman mall this afternoon, where the rich people in Dubai shop. There were several signatured gowns, worn by mannequins in several expensive and delicately interiored boutique shops, which are accented with silver and gold or with thin tassles dangling from the covers around the face, or that the gowns were sewed in complicated stitches that added extra elegance from the normal black “sayos” they wear. They put style and personalized their “costumes”.

Anyway, the overall reason why I am writing this post is because I miss home, update my friends and my readers where I am now and what I have been feeling for the past few days. I am also writing for the reason that, how funny it seems, for 3 days that I was here I observed pretty much the difference this country has among the other countries I have known from books and stories as well as how Filipinos interact with the nationals and other expats holding residency in this country.

1. Fellow Filipinos call each other “kabayan”. Like while walking home this Filipino guy asked for directions and he said “kabayan, san ba yung, Burjuman Mall”. You could hear these “kabayan” more often in malls when Filipinos who don’t know each other ask about something. Like at Starbucks in Bur Juman, this Filipino barista greeted me with “kabayan, ano sa’yo?” I mean, I could be a thailander or a malaysian…you know. Hehehe
2. Filipinos has a codename for Pakistans as “patans”. Indians as “indianos” or most common as "pana" (you know why? yes...you are a filipino if you know why!). I am not sure though if this nationals know they're are being called like that.
3. What’s funny is that, storekeepers of different nationality are being addressed as “my friend” by Filipinos. I couldn’t help but laugh silently because I call my grandpa’s goat “my friend”. It makes me miss my friend, the goat.
4. There are Muslims who sells Christian paraphernalias like crucifixes, rosaries, bibles and Christian books, etc. now isn’t that against their belief?
5. Catholic church here in Dubai holds masses in different languages simultaneously at times. Inside the church, the mass is celebrated in Arabic language and in some areas within the church vicinity is celebrated in Filipino and in Indian language. So there’s a lot of people during catholic mass celebrations.
6. What’s amazing is that, although just a few, there are Arabians who are Catholics!
7. You cannot take a picture of the mosque! I am dying to have my photo taken with the beautiful huge mosques around here! But I could get arrested if I do that, sadly.
8. You should not stare at the black wearing gown ladies nor look at them in the eye. I don’t know why. You cannot even take a picture of them. So when you’re dying to observe them like I am dying to have a picture taken with them, make sure you do it unnoticeable.
9. There are a lot of cars here! Taxis are expensive cars. The ones I’ve seen are Toyota Altis and Mitsubishi Lancers. In the Philippines, these cars are already a luxury.
10. Luxury cars like Chevrolet, Peugeot, Ferrari, Mercedes Benz, etc are very common here. Even Filipinos own cars like that here. In the Philippines only the rich people can have them.
11. Public transportation is by bus, big clean buses unlike in the Philippines where buses are…well…no need to mention. And taxis, with expensive per meter charge.
12. Since a lot of the residents here own a car or two, buses don’t fill up unless rush hours and they pass by the hour.
13. Car windows here are lightly tinted or no tint at all. It is against the law. Only the Arabs can own dark tinted cars
14. There’s a toll system here where a vehicle owner purchase a sticker card where they have to stick to their front window and is digital. Amazing how they just have to reload it with credits and when the pass through a toll gate, they don’t need to slow down. The sensor above automatically credits the card sticker on the car.
15. Driving 80km/ph is already over speeding in the Philippines. Here, they drive very fast. Pedestrians make it impossible to cross lanes!
16. Car speed is traced by radars overhead the highways.
17. Roads are very wide. Up to 4 lanes in a single direction.
18. Even lanes are wide, since a lot of them own a car or two, traffic is very heavy during their work days! Traffic is systematized though. I mean, not like in the Philippines especially in Manila where if stuck in traffic you don’t understand why cars are slanted, vertical, horizontal in position in a single direction lane.
19. Since this is a city built in a desert, I understand now why it is hot here after winter season. They lack trees and every thing is bricked or cemented!
20. Streets and highways are brightly lit everywhere making it impossible see stars at night!
21. Most residential buildings are 4-5 stories high.
22. Rents are expensive.
23. There are ongoing building costructions everywhere. Tall tall buildings.
24. It is a common misconception that Arabs smell ugly. Arabs do smell great and they’re handsome. Those who smell rather weird are mostly Pakistans and some Indians but not all of them. There are nice smelling Pakistanis and Indians, good looking too!
25. Starting salary is…well…low for overseas workers, which starts at 2,500 – 2,800 dirhams. But if you get paid like that in the Philippines its already heaven!
26. Most of the shops here are closed during 1pm and re-opens at 4pm. I was told, 1-4pm, they are worshipping.
27. I was told there is a lot of holidays here!
28. Since this is an Muslim country, I was shocked to find out I will not be able to open several sites I often visit in the Philippines. I completely understand that QueerClick, Waybig, and all other porn blogs can be blocked but guys4men and NathanExposed? C’mon! So I will not be able to read you Nathan for the indefinite time that I am in this country.
29. I saw males hugging and holding hands while walking. I am not sure what race they were but, wow! I was so amazed. They look sweet.
30. I was told that in Sharjah, people are rather different from the nationals in this city. Some were perverted that they masturbate in one darkly lit nook or even somewhere wandering eyes can see them. Weird!!!

Anyway….

I just miss home soo much. I’ll be missing Simbang Gabi and Christmas Noche Buena!! I am soo sad!

Labels: dubai, observation, people, travel

Allow me to say something about a friend who became one of my closest for several months now. After being tandem-tagged with a former friend, I luckily break away from that but not to say that I didn’t like being with my good ex-friend. He has always been as good as he could. It is sad to loose a good friend like him because of a little misunderstanding gone badly and pride. But perhaps, like I said in my previous post, sometimes what we thought forever may not just be forever.

“Are you sexually active?” as Isagani “Gani” Lopez would say is one probable question you would most likely hear from him if you get introduced. That is because he is. He is also, gay.

I’ve known Gani for almost 5 or 6 years already but we never got this close until only last May. It was in the process of getting to know each other and, of course, eliminating all doubts about our own negative perspective towards one another one by one.



I never am that judgmental towards anybody who I haven’t met personally. It is very common to people to have opinions about others and sometimes their opinions are not just very nice. And it is somehow normal for people who hear negative opinions about a person to be the basis of their impressions. Sometimes, it becomes the end-all-be-all of everything. In my case, however, I don’t take those opinions for granted but they never become the means to define the person who I have never even conversed or get to know. And so, they became doubts hanging in the closet.

With Gani, that was the case. If words can kill, he may have several deaths already! Gani was constantly mocked behind his back for his abilities by some gay people we know, at least used to. They would say something like “degree holder na nag puputos sa lumpia” (he’s a degree holder who wraps lumpia and sells them) in a really spiteful tone and would theatrically mimic Gani’s mannerisms on how he would belittle those who belittle him as well. It’s like a dog eat dog thing among them, stabbing themselves behind their backs. But with Gani, his backstabbing is just to retaliate and from what I have observed, his’ is in line to truth.



He is an example of the typically misunderstood person maybe because he is loud, “valerya” as we would say in the gay slang locally (which means being mean, basically). Gani is known to be money oriented. Money oriented I would mean to say that he base everything, well, almost everything with money. And I don’t think that is a bad thing. He is just being particularly practical about almost everything since money is tight for him. He lost his parents several years already so he is earning for himself, and for his other siblings/relatives not to mention his “husband”. In my relationship with him, my doubts about our closeness and of what we think about each other individually are laid out and we talk about it openly, almost. Overall, if you don’t know Gani, you would think Gani is selfish, arrogant, despicable, and everything to him has a price tag.

I knew all about this negativity about him for years, not to mention he was rumored to have stolen something from someone (which isn’t true). And as I hang out with him and began conversing with him about almost everything, my closet full of doubts is little by little being emptied. I knew now where is Gani coming from. I mean, yes, all that impressions about Gani is in one way or another true but they are not bad at all if you only knew what is behind all that defenses.

Yes, Gani is a degree holder and he wraps and sells lumpia. From that little business of his, he was able to get that degree, purchase for himself a motorcycle, pay his bills and have little for recreation. Those who mock him for being in a sense poor because he has to wrap and sell that thinly filled lumpia and earn a living from that doesn’t know what its like to be pleased of that little achievement which in time will become something to really be PROUD of. As the saying goes “Big things come from small beginnings”. It is true for him.

Gani is selfish because he is a typical gay person who yearns to be loved. But aren’t we all? He may have thought that everything has a price tag, even in love, because a number of gay men in the country buy love, he’s not alone in that aspect. I really can’t blame him if that’s what he thought of since it is definitely hard to be ultimately happy with someone you are not sure loves you back. The giving of something is what secures the seemingly superficial happiness that somehow fills the void in deep. To be loved back if you’re not secure of some matters is a big thing. What’s good about all that is he knows exactly what he is doing and why is he like that. His selfishness should not be mistaken because lets look into ourselves, aren’t we selfish ourselves of the things we do not have control of? Another things is, in a completely different aspect of being selfish, his opinion is what I own is mine, so respect that.

There may be price tags for everything for Gani, but it isn’t exactly like that. He is a “businessgayman”. Every job you do for me and every job I do for you has a penny attached to it. Pay me in accordance with what job I can do for you, vice versa, only if money is involved. Usually, people who are like that are really misunderstood. Lets be honest, money is very essential these days even if we have just about enough of it. Well, charity may not be in Gani’s vocabulary as it seems but, no, he knows how to help and when to help.

Gani is arrogant because of his achievements in life. His arrogance exudes which becomes a point of ridicule by some. He is indeed a strong person and what he went through and is going through in his life makes him even stronger to face life’s unfair treatment. Now isn’t that something to really be proud of? He unconsciously shows this arrogance in ways that does not tune up with the demands of observers that’s why people think of this arrogance as something that depletes his integrity. He may lack humility in himself but it is something he can be most capable of. His modesty radiates from other things in a different form. And if you know what they are you would admire Gani for that.

You may not like to be around Gani because you may think he is a disgrace because of his being arrogant, loud, money oriented life and so on but to me, Gani is one hell of a good decent friend! And I like having him around! He may be very outspoken about what he thinks of you or in general but isn’t that a good thing? You not only get what other people think of you, you in part get to asses yourself. Gani is being true to himself and it is a brave effort to let others know what and who he is. And it is a double dose of valor in his part to accept their impressions and criticisms and learn from it as well as be open for defeat. His sharp mouth may hurt but he is open for enlightenment to change that sharp words.

Gani is, most of all, a believer. He prays for the Lord’s guidance and more strength. Even if he is a sinner, like we all are, he believes in God and has strong faith. I especially like it when we discuss about our beliefs and what we think of God! His humor is incomparable. He is trustworthy, and is definitely a very good friend.

If I may define what a good friend is to the best of my knowledge is someone who would tell you upfront what he doesn’t like about you, he would tell you his intentions, secrets are kept and I mean not totally kept but would protect you in the best that he could if you have something going on in your life. A good friend will tell you what others think of you constructively, even if it’s something bad. A good friend would not only tell you what you should do but will give you guides on how you will do it. A good friend knows when not to talk but just to listen. A good friend does not make you any less of what he is. A good friend shares. A good friend understands when you mention something bad about him or does not agree with a certain thing and you both discuss it in a mature, good natured manner to come up to common ground, with no grudges inside. A good friend gives way. A good friend teaches you what he thinks will be best for you if asks for it. And most of all a good friend doesn’t just show you when to have good time but also to have a one hell of a blast!



In more ways than one, Gani has been that good friend. His negative personality people sees is actually not a bad thing. He knows what he is doing and why he is doing it, and to me that is enough to understand his demeanors. He may aggravate some people but that is utterly nothing but a joke (although some of his jokes are kind of true but it means nothing at all). I may not know him that well and there are still a few hangers of doubts in the closet but I definitely would want to commend him for being the friend that I needed to be in the special list of my best friends in the gay category. I don’t want to think that I am benefiting from his friendship but it is true. I am learning from Gani, and I hope he is also learning from me. I am having fun in a totally different way. No pretensions, no inhibitions. And it is just so good being true to myself (of course, without getting in other people’s ways). So far that is what Gani has taught me.

We will not be tandem-tagged even if we hang out more often than usual. People see us together at times or along with Jeric (Gani’s best friend). Gani and Jeric is the tandem. And I am not to break that. I know where I stand in this friendship. I am just in a definitely good time hanging out with them both!


gani with a cute boy named Andrew

Labels: friends, gay, people, persons