Today’s post is actually about Me, as it always has been in this obviously narcissistic blog few of my readers think. Ahhh readers…I am not even sure if there are readers but anyway, I just wanted to say something about myself.

Most blogs I came across with introduce themselves in ways they desired. Some are very imaginative and artistic, some very casual, some even tried to capture the never ending theme who am I? in their innovative ways, while some wrote just facts or this 100 things you should know about me kind of way, or a combination of everything.

Well I’d like to do the same thing they did since I never actually introduced myself formally. I started this blog because I was lonely and depressed some two years ago and wrote about the most unfortunate event that almost took my life. I casually mentioned in later posts that I am…well…a proud homosexual. Oh not that I am flaunting it in every avenues where I’ve been that I am a super gay or something like I am painting the town red (or pink for that matter) because I am gay! No, not that. I am just, lets say, being who I am. Was and will always be, Gay.

But that’s not all that in this was and will always be gay me. I do not know exactly how I will introduce myself in this post but let me try to incorporate essential details about myself in all possible ways of introduction.

Let me start with thy name. They say, in the world wide web, never mention your name. You can but at least not the whole of your given name. Suggestions of getting a screen name go as far as making the name of your pet and the street you were on be your screen name. So of I am going to follow that, I could either be Charlotte Lucia, Felix Lucia, Tiger Lucia, Batik Lucia, Scoobie Lucia, My friend Lucia, or Doggie Lucia. Now that doesn’t sound human for me. For the record, I am j3 if in the web but there is no harm if I say my given name. It’s Emman. For my last name, ok, let’s take the street I am on, therefore, my name is Emman Lucia.

My header, EmmaNation, would suggest I am all into me, which doesn’t sound very right. On the sidebar I mentioned why EmmaNation… which reminds me … my good friend Janis jokingly told me once I should’ve had “Emmancipation” as my title header instead since I should’ve long been emancipated in this house. I am still living with my parents, poor me. In a few weeks time I will be emancipated, that is in the bondage of my parents. And hopefully live my life independently. Even if it scares me a whole lot!

It is hard to think of things to say about myself. Words are there but putting them all together is the hardest part. Self assessment is also a hard part for what I may be today may not be me tomorrow. It’s ever changing. Instead, let me just say something what comes to mind and be as coherent as possible.

Few days ago, I was reading my favorite blogs. I came across the Alphabet Tag Ika posted which is quite interesting so I am going to copy that in order for me to breeze on some details about myself, aid me in sharing what I think about myself, and just simply mentioning the basics. Here goes:

A - Age: as of today, I am 27.

B - Bands I'm Listening To Right Now: none in particular. Everyday I just turn the radio on or play WinAmp in my laptop and jack it to the component. I play random songs from Justin Timberlake, to Jojo, to Rihanna, Sean Kingston, Dishwalla, MYMP, Rascall Flats, Nina, Nina Sky, Greenday, Beyonce, Robbie Williams, Ben Benassi, Sponge Cola, Calla Lily, 6 Cycle Mind and the list goes on and on and it plays for hours even if I am watching TV.

C - Career: I was a Call Center Agent. Now, unemployed for more than 2 years due to circumstances and health failing.

D - Drink or Smoke: I drink. I smoke, but I am supposedly not allowed to smoke anymore for health reasons. It is forbidden. I know, I know…I’m getting there. Quitting doesn’t happen overnight. But as of November 31 I haven’t smoked a single stick…hurraaaayyy!!

E - Easiest (Friends) To Talk To: I’m not much of a talker, only when I’m drunk that I get to talk even to a complete stranger so easily. I have to share this; I have this shirt that says “Thinking usually gets me in trouble” ( i am wearing it now) which somehow voice out one aspect of yours truly. I am a thinker and when I think I talk it and people get offended at some point. Perhaps the way I deliver what I have thought is offensive or just that I am naturally offensive, I don’t know. So I’d rather keep what I am thinking, and my mouth shut. BUT – I miss you Janis, I miss you Bek, I miss you Carmen and I miss you Kristine, you guys are the people who understand every crazy detail I speak of!



F - First Crush: even if I say the name no one would know who that person is. But this detail is too teeny bopper. I’m over this stage in my life. I want to be truly in love.

G - Gadgets: I love Gadgets! What I own? Just a few….

H - Hobbies: I used to spend long hours in front of the computer and surf the internet or sometimes just browse what’s in the computer but all that has changed. I get spasms when I spend more than an hour in front of a computer. As a result, I have to find ways to entertain myself. I love to walk. I love to randomly stare at people without them knowing I am staring/observing them. I like power stretching and getting interested in Yoga. And like everyone else, I listen to good music, read good books, and try as much to be a merry person even if the loneliness almost always radiates from my personality.

I - In love: I guess, but reciprocated? Nah... I have a lot of love in me, and when I love that someone I just say it so even if they don’t say it back.

J- Junk Food You Like: I am avoiding junk foods as much as possible because of my poor health. When the desire to indulge in this evil kicks in, I like Piattos, Chippy (RED), Nachos, Nova, Pringles Sour Cream and Onion

K - Kids: I am not sure if I want kids of my own, but I’m not closing my doors. There was one time I heard my neighbor’s son calling “Dad, Dad where are you?” in the sweetest, most innocent tone I have ever heard. A tinge in my heart pierced me through that how I wish someday a little Emman would call me that way too. It was just so sweet!

L - Longest Ride Ever: From here (Nabua) to Olongapo

M - My Perfect Nightout: lying on a couch with my lover watching TV or a movie. I know, I am a hopeless romantic. Oh oh! A night out! Well, I don’t have anything in mind. As long as I’m with the people I love, and like, is already perfect for me or a picnic by the beach at night or just lay down on the grass staring at the night sky sounds perfect.

N - Names For Your Future Kids: never thought about it, but months like July, June, November and all that is cute.

O - One Wish You Have Now: I lighted many wish candles at church for this: Good health and long life (80 years and over). They’re one, and inseparable.

P - Phobias: I am necrophobic. But I am not necessarily afraid of dead bodies. I thought I have overcome the fear of death but it seems I have not. I am afraid of dying. I also am afraid of diseases especially life threatening diseases!!!

Q - Favorite Quote: "what you have become is a result of what you have thought." - Buddha

R - Reasons To Smile: I barely smile. When I see familiar faces, people I know I greet them with a smile. I am never a snob. Lately, Pokwang makes me smile, she makes me laugh. “Do you know me” Roderick Paulate is hilarious when he delivers that line. I don’t exactly know what makes me just smile. You know, that moment when you’re alone and you just thought of something and then you smile? I haven’t done that in a long time. I guess there is nothing to make me ultimately smile like that as of now.
On the other hand, I’d like to quote “it’s when I smile that I was able to hide every damn pain I have inside. But it’s also when I smile that I have created the biggest and most hurtful lie.”

S - Sleeping Time: differs. But once I wake up regardless of the time I wake up or how long I slept (usually minimum of 5 hours), I don’t take naps or second rounds of sleep.

T - TV Channels: no particular preference of any channels

U - Unknown Fact About You: hypochondriac and psychosomatic. I over think too much!

V - Vegetable You Hate: none, my diet mostly contains vegetables and fish meat. I am trying to be a vegetarian at most.
W - Worst Habit (vice): I used to smoke excessively. And watch porn too much. :-)
X - X-rays You’ve Had: chest, neck, left leg several times

Y - Yummy Foods: I am a sucker for pork adobo before (yum yum!) but I have to restrain myself from that tastiest Filipino dish, again, due to health reasons! Damn health! Alternatively, I go gaga for Green Salads.

Z - Zodiac Sign: Leo

The ABC’s still does not say who I really am, at all but lets have it at that. Tomorrow is another day and I may change. Particularly saying that I am this and that will be apparently irrelevant by then.

But the 20 things that will describe me as me (to the best of my knowledge):

1. I hate it when someone sends me a text message with exclamation marks after each sentence, not just one but two or more even if the thought of the sentence would only best be ended with a period. It makes me think they are shouting, angry and outraged! Note: exclamation in the end, I am outraged by messages like that in return.
2. I am a dog lover, animal lover to be exact, except snakes. They scare me.
3. I love trees. But I am no hippie making love to a tree.
4. I am very particular with pseudo signs, or let me say, for example, when I check the time and it says 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, 5:55 or the military time equivalent, it makes me think it means something. Also, when I see posts in neighboring houses that are aligned, or anything that files up, wherein they are not intended to be aligned like that, they just happen to be aligned, makes me think it means something. Crazy. I know.
5. As much as possible I don’t want to travel or go anywhere when it’s between the time 2 or 3 o’clock regardless if its daylight or at night. I have to let that mysterious (for me) time pass.
6. I am not religious but a semi practicing catholic. I believe in the ultimate God. And I respect, and believe a fraction of, all sorts of religion for they are similar in so many ways.
7. I believe that Moses, Jesus, Siddharta Gautama, Muhammad and all founders of the many religions are messengers of God. They are my brothers who I respect and look up to. As the thought of the book of Upanishad which means “to sit down before” whoever has knowledge of the truth, I sit down before them and hear what they have to teach. Or maybe I’m getting that all wrong, but them as messengers of the truth from God needs to be respected and at least be heard. And it’s up to you, and I to believe or not to believe. God is the only one I worship. Them, I respect.
8. As I have mentioned in number 7, I only believe in one true God. The God who is the source of all things.
9. I am a child in a young adult’s body. I need to grow up.
10. I do “The Salute” in yoga several times. It’s the only Yoga steps I have mastered so far. I have to learn the other steps very soon with a guru.


11. I am afraid of death and dying.
12. I want to be cremated when I die.
13. I don’t want other people to see me when I’m a cold corpse, so I want to be cremated. If not, my family is the only one who should see me dead and no one else. And I mean it, NO ONE ELSE!
14. I still dream of a place which is a combination of rural and urban, a city beach or a place that is industrialized with a country touch to it. I love Nature but I also love the modern world.
15. …but I prefer the country living from the city life. But if there’s a place where there’s a city in a country then I will prefer that. I guess New York is a good place to live in, or Ireland, Sydney, and HongKong particularly in Victoria’s Peak. I love it in Victoria’s Peak. Lots of trees, a baseball field I suppose it was, nice place to reside and you could see the city from there!
16. I don’t know how it is to be in love but I know what love is.
17. The song “Ikaw” of Sharon Cuneta and that song with “kahit maputi na ang buhok mo” lyrics and that grow old with you song by Adam Sandler nad recently, Someday by Nina makes me cry.
18. I am gay since birth. There was a period of bisexuality when I was in my sophomore-junior year of highschool. But I knew I was Gay all along, will always be.
19. …and I am (practically) single since I was born. I had my very first boyfriend who is younger than I, a year ago. Well, technically, we were just virtually in a relationship. We don’t get together very often although he lives a few houses from mine. I got tired of it, so I let it go. But what is satisfying is that, he doesn’t deny me. When people ask him if we were in a relationship, he says yes with no hesitation. Nice. But anyway, I am single. Has always been. Looking? You bet!
20. I have a sad soul. I am very lonely. This text message I received from my friend Gani (who’s having troubles of his own right now) last night must be written all over my face to remind me always to Never search your happiness in others, it will just make you feel alone. Rather, search it in yourself; it will make you feel happy even if you are left alone…and I am at a loss what to say next. Maybe, well, I am just me, a changing being, who barely smiles and is about to die.

If any questions are troubling you, my reader, after reading this, feel free to ask me. I’ll be happy to answer.