Let me just say that its really hard controlling your emotions over some matters that really affects you deeply. I dont know if it applies to other people but for me, it certainly does. Everytime something, even if little, happen my heart beats faster, my breathing heavy and sometimes I just might gasp. In times like that, i try to devour myself into hiding what I truly feel. I know I am not really good in showing or expressing my emotions when it comes to cheesyness or being sympathetic with a very close person especially a family member. My youngest sister called me earlier tonight and he told me that my sister who is in Dubai called her at 2 in the morning the other day and told her that she and her boyfriend broke up. My sister in Dubai and her now ex-boyfriend had been together for more than 5 years. i was still in college when they were together and a part of me say that 5 years has become such a wasted time - BUT - some love affairs are meant to be that way. That is why even if I am sooo longing to be with someone at times I still prefer to be single right now. I just dont wanna be caught in a break - up or cheating situations either of the possible partner or I.

Thirty minutes before midnight I logged back in and my sister in Dubai was online. I wanted to express my sentiments but I am just not good at it. I am always the toughie - toughie person when it comes to situations like "someone needing some emotional support". What I did was I just told her to "move on" since thats the best thing to do for me. I could tell she was crying at first when I was able to access her webcam, but i didnt acknowledge it instead i just let her know i am online, "there", at least virtually and told her my tough words like, focus - that's a chapter in you life that has just ended - close it if you may - your at a new chapter - start - move on. Now, I know its hard to do but at least try. Focus on a goal and it'll just fly by - the break-up and whatever what was said and done between them (but of course - if there are memories to cherish - keep it - lock it - i dunno why do so, but still - they're part of the self that they (or we or i) that we have become). Even on friends, its really hard to loose a friend, right? But as time goes by - it'll become history. Time heals REALLY! She may read this so SIS, Be Tough! Its not the end of the world. Look at me, I cant walk, but im fighting it! In Korea, they say AJA!!! So Aja!

wahhhh!! emotional burden! I dont want it! That's why, while lying down watching TV a while ago before I logged in the events of the day and the past rushed into my head and made me realize about the way i have always viewed the life I have and the reason why i am just at a loss sometime, fall most times and cant do my own life. i mean, i always have been soo dependent on other people on and in all means. I keep clinging on the past which holds me of my present and the possible future. As a conclusion to all that thinking (which i can't reveal all), --- [just came in my mind right now] --- i got into this accident probably to realize these things ---- its better that I dont have my cellphone, that i am almost always sleeping at daytime and up at night, that i have been in the four corners of this house infront of this computer the moment i wake up and the moment i retire for the "day" for almost a months now. I know - it sounds like the big D(epression) but that's how i am coping up (perhaps) with the situation. My own situation. Really, for the past week till now I havent spoken to anyone. I speak to my cousins living in this house and to my grandparents but the TALK. A good heart to heart conversation, not even to Kikay, our dog. I must say, tho, cuddling and playing with my dog eases every burden I have. *sigh*

It's not just my sister's break-up that made me a little low today but also about the word war incident my mom and my uncle had this afternoon which made me wake up. It just arrived to that because my uncle was physically hurting my 14 year old cousin and my mom just came to put a halt to that (which didnt happen, nobody can make my uncle stop unless its my grandma or my grandpa.) My grandpa came up since he heard the heated argument about almost everything already, from reasons not related to why he came scolding my cousin, my uncle stopped. But it was a long word fight and laying hard hands on my cousin. I was even afraid to get out of my room since my uncle might put his anger on me and he might just beat me and broke my leg again. I know, exaggeration, but having a broad mind and anticipating what possible things could happen will save me from it. I didnt get out of my room, just sat there and eavesdropped but since i didnt lock my door the time i get in there the night before, just ajar, he slammed it open and told me " look at your mom!see what she's blah blah blah". I didnt say anything. They fought. words here words there, got physical a bit - blah blah - door slamming - blah blah! When i thought it was over my uncle went to my cousin's room and put the anger back on him again. My mother rushed to the my cousin's room to stop my uncle from doing anything. When i finally saw them out of the room from the slightly broken door of my room, i told my mom to take my cousin away from my uncle. I dont what came to my mother's mind but she led my cousin to my room and forcing to lock the door. Strong that he was, my uncle was able to get in my room and began laying hands on my cousin again. At that time my heart beated faster cause i was thinking what if his anger turns to me. I cannot fight him back. If I am able i can defend myself. I whispered to my cousin who seemed entirely out of his own senses probably because of fear, to get out and hide and to stay away from my uncle! I was glad he was able to get heed of it and rushed out. And I am glad my uncle didnt lay a hand on me because i will and I cannot accept that! i just might do something not right if he did, and break my already broken leg!!! Ok, so i didnt know what he keep blabbing about after my grandpa came up and led him downstairs, for my uncle is really out of his mind to just came here and do his act!
OH - why am i saying (typing, actually) it here ??? Who cares!?! *sigh* I just am mentally at a blur after that. I busied myself with cigarettes, & browsing the web. what a life I have!! These kind of events make me just want to go away - move away to a far far place!

And yeah, My uncle was kinda influenced with alcohol doing his act - or i dont know if its just alcohol. He got mad at my cousin because he accused my cousin putting a piece of folded paper at the back of his cellphone battery the day he asked my cousin to hook it on the charger. There was paper there maybe for the reason that it wont charge. The battery might be loose...or whatever, since that might help at times especially a 2G Nokia phone! Crap! Some people are just trying to be techie when they know little (or nothing) about technology! (I am referring to my uncle since my cousin at his young age is very keen with technology and electronics, although his knowledge needs enrichment). BLAAAHHH!!

Ok, so enough of the day's seemingly tragic events. That's another past that I should not cling on. That event should be over! It should be over!!!

Thats it for today. and What a day!