Tell me, am I just paranoid or are these premonitions?

My leg’s broken and is it just coincidence to be seeing similar to graver incidence of the same condition? During the earlier stages of my disability I was (and still is) getting the fright of loosing my leg. On TV, first up, when these soap operas on its final episodes had (or have) characters getting amputated! On the Spanish soap opera, RUBY, main character Ruby had her right leg amputated. Right! Of all leg, its right! My broken leg is the right leg! When I saw that my heart sank and I have thought of it as a sign that my leg may be amputated (please nooo!). Then on HBO I saw this movie whose serial killer have mechanical arms and legs! And when I surf channels I saw athletes with no legs, no arms! That indeed scared the hell out of me. Now on Pinoy Big Brother, there’s Mang Rudy whose right leg got amputated because of a tragic event. And tonight! God! On Vietnam Rose, as this soap ends, Miguel (one of the main characters) had his left leg amputated. The fright is coming all back to me especially now that the next visit to my doctor is nearing! I don’t want to loose my leg. The world will not end with that, but I don’t know what am I going do if that happens! Please! No! I don’t want to loose my leg! I hope my feelings are just paranoia and none of this stupid thought of loosing my leg is all true!

I just have to be strong thinking of the positive ideas. May God guide me and help keep my leg because I really don’t know what I’d do without it.

These thoughts are making my head spin! But for my day to day, I have to live it the normal way even if my disability indeed impairs me of doing things I normally do (or did). Now I am just thinking on how I can make money even if I am just home. I am online most of the time so I am searching for modes how I can earn money. This blog could help me, and I hope it will. In “partnership” (whatever it is being called) with GOOGLE, that way I hope I would earn something so I could pay my debts which I have had after the accident: my phone bills to be particular. Regarding my hospitalization, when I get better and find work that would have me earning well, then I could little by little pay my relatives who helped me pay for my hospital bills. Thinking about this make my heart really crushed. Because of the accident, I came up with this responsibilities I never would have imagined doing. Because of the accident I am left with t his is big dilemma! I will still be searching for my ideas and ways on how I can make money at home.

Now on the lighter side, even if I am not feeling light at all right now, Pinoy Big Brother Celebrity Edition is just a bomb! At least watching every episode during primetime makes me happy for a time. For today’s episode – well - what was shown today was yesterday’s happenings, there is tension growing between Roxane and Rico. These two had a “past” we call. Perhaps an awkward break up or misunderstanding about their relationship. I am gonna look for ward to what’s to happen next. And – there’s a reason for me to wake up before noon. Pinoy Big Brother will be shown in replacement of WOWOWEE, since I believe the show will be on a hiatus because of what happened last Saturday. I ma glad I will be seeing PBB in the mornings. So that’ll be thrice in a day: noontime, on primetime and on up-late. Plus they advertise it on TV that PBB 24/7 is now available in the provincial areas and just to call the cable operator. I don’t know if this is applicable with our cable operator, because I’m interested. Imagine watching people 24/7? Now is that voyeurism or what? Heheheheh

That’s it for today!