I am SAD.

I just felt sad after I got interviewed by a very well spoken, and if not much of a deal, gay indian male and another straight indian male...well, I guess.

The job I got interviewed for was the job that I really was looking for, here, as a Sales Associate. Not that I don't like the office job I was offered by my italian employer. They are nice, really. But my concern is that, the office is very far from where I live. Waking up early is not a problem but the problem is getting there on time and going home. I mentioned in my last post that if I will not spend money for the taxi fare, which is costly, I have to take the time consuming long way of traveling just to get to work and back home. If I do that often, I do not know what's gonna happen. I will have to wake up very early, and I will sleep very late. I cannot go on like that for how long it will take. Nor can I go on with spending 120 AED for taxi fare everyday for a month! What will be left with my salary?? Debts!

The solution is to move near where I work. Problem no. 2 is, I don't wanna move there. I am just not open to that option. Where I live now, is the place I call "home" in Dubai. Now, do you know how hard it is for me to call this place "home"? It's hard...very hard because this is not what and where I have in my mind of a home. Be that as it may, this is my "home" here in Dubai, in a place called Karama. If moving is the only option that I have in order for me to stay in the job that I have now...the answer is, I don't know.... It's a so-so feeling. It's because I don't wanna move close to where I work. I don't want any other adjustment. And I don't wanna be far away from the only family I have here in Dubai, my sister. Dubai is not like the Philippines where even if you don't have any family with you, from where ever you stay in the country, you wouldn't think of being alone. We filipinos are practically -- well-- FAMILY (or kapuso for that matter)!

Problem no. 3, however. My sister will have to eventually go home any month soon. She resigned from her job because...congrats congrats(!)...she is pregnant BUT her pregnancy seems critical. She needs extra care to keep the baby. She, her husband and I don't want anything to happen to her or the baby. So, she has to go back home to the Philippines eventually to go on with her pregnancy safely. At least, there, it is stress free and -- well -- it's basically HOME.

I haven't readied my self for that although I know it is bound to happen. I don't know how will I go through living here in Dubai without a friend or a family. By friend I would mean, not a friend I JUST met here, but a friend whom I've practically known all my life. I don't have any here.

We were talking about how my sister got on with her 1st year here in Dubai. It was hard, also, for her, I know. But the difference is she have group of friends to ease her hardship, I don't. And by friends I would mean, her friends she have practically known all her life, almost considered family. That somehow lessen the burden of being, and feeling alone in this foreign, and strange, land.

I don't wanna be stuck to a job I won't be able to grow. I mean, in the job that I was offered with growth is probable. It is just starting up so it may seem I am not in the position to grow as of yet. I will have to go through hardship to grow, I know, and I shouldn't be whining like this. But being the only Filipino in the office, is just torture! I almost feel like crying everytime they talk in italian, them laughing, them seemingly enjoying what they do. Being the only filipino in the office even if I love what I am doing (that includes even the lifting of heavy boxes, cleaning the glass walls, collecting their trash, wiping their glass tables, messenger...etc etc) I just feel like a slave. Only if there is another filipino in the office then it would be a lot easier (even if it means getting there and back is still a problem). Talking and identifying myself to another kabayan is a lot lot lot heaven for me. Do you know where I am coming from? Being the only alien among other aliens?

Yesterday, when this guy called me for interview about the job I applied for 2 months ago, I was delighted! It's the job I wanted here. And besides, its just a few minutes walk from where I live, here in Dubai. I was saved, Or so I thought!

I blew off the inteview! It was a hotseat interview. I would say, it is the kind of interview that is actually I have always in my mind: formal, lots of questions, paper on hand for them to rate me, etc etc. And I blew it! I wasn't wearing what they thought I should wear, they noticed my unruly meshed up, spikey, in gel, hair (where which to me, is fine--It was like a portrayal of the yuppie look I've known). I answered them with answers they don't wanna hear like what do you see yourself three years from now? to which I answered, I think I will doing my own business. Now how rude is that? True, it is not good for the company because they want dedication and loyalty to the company. They told me, in astonished tone that, What?? Are you just going to make us your stepping stone? Well -- No. Not really.

My answer (which I did not tell them) is, Yes, it will be my stepping stone to make a small business of my own to get more profit in order to have a good comfy life. However, I would still be working for them but not as the Sales Associate that I was hired to do, but be the one sitting on their chairs interviewing future candidates: with a higher income and a sideline business = happy with the no- money-problem life! I don't know why I just didn't say that! I want to be in the recruitment industry, too. I wanted to be in Human Resource or, if not, doing my passion (which I have not established fully). Only that, the wheel of fortune is not pointing me in that direction.

I don't know. I might be stuck with the receptionist-slash-secretary-slash-messenger-slash-office boy-slash-cleaner job with little pay and -- well -- getting paid only to pay it all for my fare! Let's see....

Oh, I am not complaining about the job. I am complaining about my getting there and back. I am complaining of getting "home" late and not getting enough sleep.

People I told my situation to, have different advices. But majority said, hay naku 'h'wag ka na d'yan, abonado ka pa sa pamasahe mo! (oh my! your salary is not even enough for your fare!)

I am just being stubborn, maybe. But I cannot go on like this. How can I perform well if I lack sleep, bothered by how will I get to work and back, and especially with no money in my pocket (Not to mention, these italians I work for don't know when is lunch! Always had me starving for the past week!)

Enlighten me oh, Lord!

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There was an accident this morning in Abu Dhabi - Dubai Highway near Ghantoot due to the foggy morning we have here lately. Check it if you wanna see it. If not, lets go on with our lives, as it always it is.