I
am
very
VERY
tired!!!

For almost seven months that I am here in Dubai, four months in this shop where I work and this now-seemingly-ugly-mall in my eyes, I feel like taking the next flight back home!

I am ver very tired of the people, the culture, my manager, and some pain in the ass people I come across with in this country. But there's one thing, in three (four) words, I've learned working in this country and working as person to person customer service sales associate: I don't care.

I don't care if my manager is a big damn stress, even if he spoils my happy mood in a snap! It pains me big time that he robs me of my energy from doing what he does but I began and learning not to care. I don't know if it is a good thing or what. I am starting to be numb. It aches for a minute or so, then later on, fcuk! Why should I let somebody put me down?

oh, my manager is not wicked. He is just so tactless. A motor mouth. He speaks without thinking if he is hurting some one from his not so carefully chosen words. and he is so damn hyper!!!

I told my colleague once,

I dont know what ****(name of my manger) wants. He lets us do this, say this and then he forgets and then tells us another thing completely east to west!

And she said,

Well, you know what I think? I think he, too, doesn't know what he wants.

True, maybe.

Because from the looks of it, he sometimes is irrational. And his being irrational makes it seem like the rational thing to be...in our world in those four corners of the shop.

But don't get me wrong. Even if my manager shouts at us, acts very unprofesionally towards us sometimes, scares and stress the hell out of us most of the time, he still apologize to us at the end of the day. He realize if his treatment towards us becomes too much to take. And that is a good thing. A one sincere and polite apology sometimes eases the pain he have caused someone.

Then again, the thing is, it is a cycle! I guess the saying "you cannot teach an old dog new tricks" is absolutely and ultimately true.

Oh well, thats the life I've been living here in Dubai.

Same thing to expect everyday. The only consolation is? I see cute guys come to the shop. The bonus? Seeing their rock hard bodies from the reflection of the fitting room mirror when they do not close the curtain properly. Hehehehe. Nice washboard abs some of them posses, in underwear, and the most shocking of all is when I see fully naked asses of both men and women who unabashedly (and or unknowingly) display themselves from the reflection and or those mirrors just betray them and show what they meant to hide behind those curtains. AND I guess I must admit, I feel good when I see these cute men show a little skin and tickle my fancy. hehehhe. Well, there's the voyuer in me. All out to confess.

The thing though is, really, I just am tired from all the stress. Some origin I do not know. Perhaps I just miss Home. No. Not perhaps. I do miss HOME so so much! My dog, Kikay. The rainy days. The tropical sun. Coconut trees. My lolo and lola. My grandfather's garden. The sweet smell of the earth early in the morning. The quiet afternoons. The cold nights. Night outs with friends...and the list can go on and on.

------------------------------------

My sister by the way came back last June after she left Dubai last May. She decided to come back and give birth here. But then, the woman that she is, she wanted to go back to the Philippines and give birth there instead. She's in the hospital now, since last night because she was bleeding and fearing of miscarriage (I hope God won't let that happen). I called her from work this afternoon and she decided to go back home this august and give birth there instead and raise the baby there as well. My brother in law is thinking of going home for good as well. With all these things coming all at the same time, work stress, me being alone in this seemingly unsophisticated country...I do not know what to think anymore. All I know is I feel tired and I feel soooooo very poor and alone in this strange land.

And Damn I miss the Rain sooooo much!!