After the New Year, here comes Valentine! I can’t imagine how fast the days pass. It seems like we have just celebrated the New Year a week ago….

Then here I am haven’t changed much…only in size and weight, which I am trying to loose.

I haven’t blog in the past weeks (obviously) because, honestly, I am not in the mood to write anything, think of anything or even feel anything. I grow numb. All because I don’t know what to do, how to go about what I don’t know what to do and where to go to see what is it that I want to do and how to go about it. Simply put, even if I have set my goals for this year…I am lost.

My plan for this year is to go abroad and hopefully find a job there. My sister is going to help me on that. I needed to go away, even if I don’t want to. Maybe, it’s just the way that it is, you know. I have been looking too closely at my life for the past year, and I think I needed to step backwards for a while to look at the bigger picture. Like a painting. To understand what the picture is about, we have to take a few steps backward and see the whole of it. Maybe that is what I needed to do. Because, you see, until now…I am adding age, I still don’t know what to do with this God given graces.

The love that is overflowing around me which I mistake for something…uhmm…well a mistake…uhmm…often sets me off board. Here, I don’t know what it is. I don’t know what love is. I think I feel it but I am not sure if I really know it. That is one among the many graces which are God-given that I cannot handle, really, but wanted.

Sigh.

I am in love. But I don’t know to whom am I in love with.

There’s this one person though only that it is nothing to hope for.

So anyway, I just am not in the mood to recollect everything. I just thought I needed to update and say something. I am not preparing my self for the “love month”, too, though, if this post sounds like it. Hahaha.

So, that is all for now.

The last quarter of 2005 and the year 2006 was the turning point of my life. September of 2005 hit me with realizations after almost causing me to loose my life. Having said that it’s the turning “point of my life”, literally speaking of it would mean I only have another 26 years to live. If that is so, I’ll be gone in this beautiful world when I age 52. Some of my old friends came home on vacation for the holidays and aging is one of the things we talked about. I told them that I do want to reach 80 to 100 years old.

This year I must come up with all the best to fully live a better life.

On my part, doing so seems to have a lot of baggage to let go and to carry.

When midnight strikes on the last day of 2006, I was teary eyed as I watch my family light up fireworks and make noise as they welcome the New Year. A lot of events flashed back in my mind as well as foresaw what can happen in the days forward. Honestly, I do not have a good vibe of this year. I am scared of what can happen. But as it will be, I have to prepare myself for everything that may come my way, good or bad.

I’d like to randomly look back from the day I almost loose the ability to exist and determine what have I done that has made me as me today:

On September 9 2005 I was hit by a vehicle and broke my leg.

after 3 long hours of operation

I wasn’t scared when that happened. I even asked the doctor if I will loose my leg, to which he didn’t answer. Gladly it was still there when I woke up after three long hours of operation. I’d like to think I was strong but I was scared thinking of what may come next. I did cry at nights while at the hospital. I cried for what the future beholds and for the things I thought I have lost. Two weeks at the hospital was the longest time I have ever spent thinking about my life.

Recuperating was fun. I didn’t have a regular physical therapy but it was fun, however tedious. The doctor advised me to do my therapy actively. Since my sister and my cousin are physical therapist, they assisted me from time to time but everything was on my own. Many times I just lay down, not exercising my leg but thinking. Doing so took me 10 months to fully able to walk without any assistance which would have been shorter if I religiously followed the regimen. Visits to my orthopedic doctor usually would get me nervous. Each x-rays (shown in my previous post) illustrate nonunion of my bones. I almost gave up each visit. Thankfully, with God’s mercy, September 2006 was my last visit.

I prayed to God to make me walk before my birthday, he granted me that. I prayed to God to be able to at least make me run a little bit before December, again, the Lord so kind, he granted me that. I am guilt stricken as I look back because I was never that good to God after all that he has done to give me this second chance to live.

In those months, I realized how good God is, that He is there to guide and help us. You will not believe me, but I got my strength on Him during those days. Comforting words from people who care doesn’t really comfort me at all…Yes, I am sorry to have said that. It makes me think you guys pity me as much as I pity myself during the ordeal. But Thank You! Those were appreciated as much as I could. The thought that you guys never left me and was there for me is what matters. This one HUGE THANK YOU is especially for Lee Jack. How can I ever repay you for being there always…. Someday, diday, I will. You proved yourself to be a good person, to me and to God, even if you are the annoying person to some people. I am lucky to have you.

THANK YOU, diday

Late last year, my sister left for Dubai, which, I’d like to think is a good thing. There was an unfortunate thing that happened to her: She had her right hand burned. And on September! We wouldn’t want to think September becomes an unlucky month for us, but we have to be extra cautious (us siblings) when September comes.

2006 I get the chance to be close to few good people. There’s Raymond also known as Issa,


Lauriano also known as tita lau

and Richard also known as dondon or donita, as well as a few acquaintances.

I don’t have enemies but 2006 had given me one. I wouldn’t think Marlino is an enemy but as it was, maybe he thinks of me as his enemy. So, to grant him that, he is then an enemy. However sad it was, he played a little part of my 2006.

this is Marlino, the fish

I have made a short virtual love affair with someone. Kevin, a neighbor, added a little spice to the boring life I have had that year.

But the highlight of 2006 was two people. Mardie, whom, I haven’t mentioned anything of in any of my posts.
Mardie

And Vicente, who was just in time to complete my year and hoping for a good friendship as the year progresses.



I met Mardie, 15, when I was still disabled.



I don’t know how or when exactly but he just came to the picture. He lives on the same street where I live. I grew up here but I don’t recall any incidence of any encounters during our younger years. Seeing Mardie just completes my day. He is fun, fearless, and vibrant and loves his being young. I see in him the innocence I was stripped of. In this teenage year of his, I knew for a fact he is coming of age, slowly unmasking the hardship and taboos life has. I think I like Mardie. I do think I do and honestly…I do. He knows that. But the record is straight, just not possible. We, both, are good friends and it’s what matters. His personality benefits me of, well, thinking that life is still good (for the lack of stored vocabulary fit to say) to see some one love life despite the privation. And oh, at 15, he has a killer abs that I envy! Hehehehe

Late is better than never. Vicente, we all are fond of calling him June, completed my year. Life is indeed full of surprises. You know why? I was 15 when I met June. It was summer of 1995. He was 11 years old then who looks younger for his age. At that moment I found him cute. He barely talks, and as childish as he was eleven. The whole summer of 1995 was playtime, and of course, the desire for young love. As I skimmed through old diaries I found out I was harsh on him. I am not sure if I have offended him but I am sure I made him cry twice. As I type this, I can clearly see the incident when I close my eyes. Of course, it’s not all that, we had had fun during that summer. We were a little close. But because I was a little too aggressive, that pushed him away.

I am closing my eyes right now and I can see the times that seeing him from a far would make my day. We lived on the same street but we never had time to get together. We are like strangers, maybe because we fell on a wrong start. Then time made as apart. I went to college. He graduated from high school a few years after and went to a different college.

June is serving the Philippine Army now.

He was on vacation for the holidays and on the 29th, God played the most beautiful scene of my 2006. After 11 years of wishing, hoping that we get together, finally it did happen. Over bottles of brandy, it started the friendship that was lost. Words are nowhere to be found to say how happy that made me that night.


ehehehe. june and i

there's king, a cousin of ours, and june

He’s back in camp since the 30th and he never fails to text. We have a lot of catching up to do.

June knows I like him. Actually, he is my very first crush. At that, lets say, first Love. But that’s all in the past. I no longer desire his love but his friendship because in friendship, we can be fool of ourselves. Oh how I just love it! Here’s hoping everything will be at best between us. The thing is, at that time I like June, he likes my sister as well as my sister likes June. Now, he still likes my sister and I don’t know about my sister for she and her current boyfriend are so in love together.

2006 was alcohol year! Even if I was still one leg walking, the doctor did say I can drink occasionally. But he said I have to stop smoking because not only it destroys my lungs, it slows down the ability of my bones to unite. It kind of did. I didn’t quit smoking, sadly, and was in a drinking mode from time to time. It was December of 2005 and I cannot avoid it. It’s everywhere! When I was able to walk again, almost every week, I and the people I get to be close with drink. Sometimes, it would be just Lee Jack and I. Lee Jack and I make fun of ourselves when we think that we are getting alcoholics. But we both are sure, we’re not going to be alcoholics. We know our limits.

Before the year ends, was the saddest to most of us locals. We were hit by two super typhoons: Milenyo and Reming. The latter being the strongest I have ever experienced in my entire existence. Good thing it happened at daytime because the wind was so strong. If it happened at night, I just couldn’t imagine how the most affected people would evacuate to a safer place. Debris was flying crazy, trees and electricity posts were breaking and tumbling down. A lot of people ultimately lost their houses. Several days after, there was a landslide (from the Mayon Volcano) in Albay which is a two hour drive from where I live. It killed thousands of people. Here are pictures I manage to capture during Milenyo and Reming:

We didn’t have electricity for a month (December). No TV, no radio, and internet was slow. Thankfully, despite the dragging days, we manage to entertain ourselves with my cousin Krizzy’s comical performances. Here’s one of them:

My cousin Kris dancing Boom Tarat ;-)

Some of us in the whole region had “dark” Christmas. Some had “dark” New Years as well. I was glad our New Year’s was better. Electricity was supplied on our street by the 30th.

Here are pics I’d like to share during the New Year’s with my family.

I stayed up till past 8 in the morning. Lee Jack and I drank brandy after midnight and we watched the first sunrise while we talk about our lives and wonder what would be next.




Well, no matter how fast 2006 was, I actually realized a lot of things. I’ve come to terms with my fears, one of which is death. I became closer to God which is the ultimate thing. I’m still learning to let go of a lot of emotional baggage and “things” too, though. Sooner or later, I will learn it. Even if I didn’t meet a lot of people, I managed to keep the best people in my life and slowly adding more interesting people. To which, a certain letting go of closeness and/or attachment with them is hard to do. I may have lost the career I was beginning to have and lost the original strength of my physique but there was a good compromise to all that: I realized life is so good no matter what, and that I love life!

Because,

BLOOPER!

aside from good friends, I have a family who supports me in some ways...and I am thankful for them for everything

So, was the accident the turning point of my life? At some point, maybe, but turning points must always have to be in a positive mode. There will still be exciting and scary events that’ll happen. I am not sure if I am ready for the scary events but we’ll see…. This life I have is a second chance and I have to make the most out of it so help me God! I don’t have 26 more years to live, I have forever! And forever starts now.