My leg's been acting crazy lately. The screws below my knee aches terribly like the muscles around is being torn apart every time i put bearable weight on it. that's a new sensation after several months and its weird! So when i woke up today, had lunch, stayed in my room lay down the rest of the day. but when i stood up and took my shower, i didnt feel anything. oh not feel anything like its numb but i still can feel that my leg is there, but the aching of the screw. i felt like i could walk straight. it was strange! i didnt want that felling at all. if ever it was something good, God let it be, its different, not a very common thing...not that instant!

So anyway, after Al and Buddy's visit during the weekend i felt terribly lonely! i've been just staying in my room most of the hours...blank, flat on my bed! I dont know, perhaps i just miss everything the way it was when i was still able and all that. ive been thinking lots of things ive been missing and will be missing, the things that i lost and the things i could have acquired. its terrible how i arrive to be like this. last night i couldnt help myself but cry. i drank 1 liter beer and thats just enough to put me to sleep earlier than usual. yesterday, i was soo lost i just wanna close my eyes and stop thinking about all this.

i miss my friends, i miss my life!!

on the brighter side though, i just have one leg broken and life is still at the most.... i keep comparing myself with what others are going through, heck! i am still lucky, yet, still, it never occured to me that this could happen to me! So sudden and there was never a prominition that this could happen to me. how unfortunate it was! However, if that's to happen on the Divine plan then it must be it. They say, when something's lost there'll be better things in return. I dont know...lets just see if thats not just a cliche.

with all this terrible sadness i am feeling right now, i shaved my head (I broke my promise that i will never cut my hair unless i could walk!) last monday just to unload some of that heavy burden i feel, it did somehow, but its still meddling deep inside. and yes, the loving idea is on the high. perhaps, it is true, you need a few drinks to fall inlive...cause i think i am inlove after drinking saturday night!! Silly, i know! And i dont know who am inlove with, thats the irony of it! and that's the big question: who am i inlove with?! hahahaha Stupid me. Im crippled and "fantasizing" about love stories and all this shit! What an illusion i have created after drinking! But yeah... just a few drinks to fall inlove!