I know the year is about to end and I should be with happy thoughts and memories. But I cant help it. I feel so terribly lonely every night since I got here in Dubai. During day time, everything seems normal. I dont think of anything. But when night time comes I couldn't help but be teary eyed most of the time for no particular reason. For sure, its all about missing home and the "friendships" I left there.

anyway, just updating, diary style. I just needed to take this loneliness out of my system. Now...I am crying as I type. No more tears on the brim of my eyes. They're free flowing now! Funny thing is, the music playing on my headset is "I think She knows" by Justin Timberlake.

Before Christmas, during the Muslim Holiday Eid Muberak (I dont know if I got the spelling right) we went on to a road trip going to Abu Dhabi with the "housemates" here in Karama. We spent the night in Abu Dhabi at my sister and her husband's ninang. The next day we drove up all the way to Fujeirah (from Abu Dhabi) which was a long long ride! Here are the pics...with no captions. I'll try to put captions on this slide.

I never felt so poor in my entire life but now...Now that I am in Dubai, with nothing but my sister to hold on to. However could not hold on to much because she has a life of her own the moment she left home. So, I feel so much all alone now. All alone that tears cannot just fall. My chest just keep pounding because of this terrible loneliness I feel. I hate it because tears just wont fall, even if I allow them to. I am striving, I am fighting...the indifference I keep on feeling everytime I get out of this shoebox. But to fall apart is not the option right now.

I really do not feel secure in this place. I do not have friends, yet. I miss everyone and everything back home. oh, God give me strength!

Two nights in Dubai….

On the first night, a tear fell when I sat on the stairs outside the pad and watched the cars pass by. I was lonely. Tears are on the brim of my eyes and if I continued to sulk and feel the mellow night in this foreign land, they may have fallen in buckets…with deep sobs and enormous sighs. I miss home. I miss Sta. Lucia. I miss Nabua.

I especially miss the familiar faces I almost always come across with even if there was no relationship entwined. Here in Dubai, perhaps the population of Filipinos dominated the second largest residents who are the Indians and the Pakistans. But the Filipino faces I see here since I got here are not like the hospitable, smiling and friendly faces I see back home. Perhaps because this is a foreign country the Filipino aura has changed together with this country as this is a lot different from the Philippines in terms of culture and behavior.

Dubai sure is clean compared back home. I am lucky I got here on a pretty weather: chilly during the early morning and late in the afternoons up to the starless but brightly lit night. My sister told me, when it’s not winter, the heat can almost burn your skin making it seemingly impossible to walk to work or just stroll by the area. As I write this now, I am covered with thick comforter from head to feet because I feel terribly cold as if my body’s getting numb almost impossible to move them. Well, that’s not because the temperature here fell below zero celcius but because the air conditioning is so high that I feel like as if I am inside a freezer! I cannot lower the temperature because the AC is being shared with the other occupants in this small room partitioned in half resembling a shoebox room. Nevertheless, the climate outside this midnight is still a little cool that if I stay long enough without a sweatshirt on, I might chill.

But it’s not the weather that’s bothering me or making me miss home. It’s the people. Or maybe I am not still used to seeing scary looking Pakistans, or funny sounding Indians and sophisticated Arabs much more that the Filipinos here has transformed into different beings. I cannot put into words how am I going to describe my observation of my fellow countrymen. They’re just different. I don’t feel the warmth, the hospitality and the politeness they [do] usually bestow when in our own home country. Maybe because they have to blend in with the culture.

I also miss my spacious room, which I appreciate, now that I am in a very small room together with my sister and her husband. I grew up very rich in terms of space: surroundings, leniency, open culture and all that. Here, I feel like as if I am totally barred of everything! Sure this is an open city but still there are do’s and don’ts that I have to keep in mind every time I’m outside this shoebox. Like, I have to be extra cautious with my gestures for they might be offensive in this muslim country. Even I haven’t ride the bus as of yet, I was told the ladies regardless of what nationality is separated from the male commuters. And that they always comes first priority. That, I have no qualms since females should be given that respect even if it’s not much. Yet the thought that you cannot mingle with the females, even if the intention of harassing them is no where in my vocabulary, while traveling whether on a short distance or not, is absurd. But that’s their law. At first I was also weirded out when I saw for the very first time the ladies all covered in black gowns where the eyes could only be seen. At Bahrain International Airport, I got a little scared that I literally kept my distance from them. I was like a child who saw a scary creature opposed from the “white lady” the Filipino folklore has. Who wouldn’t be? They look really scary with their outfits all dressed in cotton-silk black overalls wherein their deep dark eyes, hands and shoes are the only ones being seen. I cannot help but wonder what they’re missing. They cannot flaunt their signature D&G’s, CKs, Zara’s, etcs. They cannot show their beautiful figures and their sophisticated faces (there are few of them who show their faces though). They cannot sport their fashion enthusiasm of mix and matching designer or non designer clothes. And this observation comes with the males as well, all dressed in white overalls with a whatever-that-thing-they-put-on-their-heads are called. Like yesterday, as we stopped for the red light exiting Al Karamah, there’s this cute and hot looking young Arabian driving a hot car with his hood/veil and black rings on his head dressed in his white gown who stopped beside my brother-in-law’s chevvy. Maybe he caught a glimpse of me unconsciously gazing through his lightly tinted window (but I wasn’t actually looking at him at all, but the view beyond), my sister motioned me to look at him since he abruptly took off his veil and put on a very expensive black baseball cap, which by the way, made him even look cuter as his skin tone and briskly shaven jaws appeared in light…my knees wobbled when I saw him transform to a modern man showing his intense but gentle facial features. My sister said he smiled when he caught his gaze on us. That, among other simple observation from these young Arabians in terms of how they dress up is just whether or not they’re obeying the culture they have grown up to or is afraid to fully dress up the way we democrats sport our fashion, amazes me. I also saw funny looking females in their black gowns faces covered but wearing green sneakers, and platform shoes popularized by “japayuki” entertainers. Their gown looks best with slippers and sandals by the way. I cannot help but wonder what’s underneath those gowns. I mean, what clothes do they wear underneath those black cotton-silk or white gowns. However conventional it is, most of them look elegant the way they wear it.

You see, those queries as to how can they be fashionable in those identical looking gowns they wear were answered when I went to the Bur Juman mall this afternoon, where the rich people in Dubai shop. There were several signatured gowns, worn by mannequins in several expensive and delicately interiored boutique shops, which are accented with silver and gold or with thin tassles dangling from the covers around the face, or that the gowns were sewed in complicated stitches that added extra elegance from the normal black “sayos” they wear. They put style and personalized their “costumes”.

Anyway, the overall reason why I am writing this post is because I miss home, update my friends and my readers where I am now and what I have been feeling for the past few days. I am also writing for the reason that, how funny it seems, for 3 days that I was here I observed pretty much the difference this country has among the other countries I have known from books and stories as well as how Filipinos interact with the nationals and other expats holding residency in this country.

1. Fellow Filipinos call each other “kabayan”. Like while walking home this Filipino guy asked for directions and he said “kabayan, san ba yung, Burjuman Mall”. You could hear these “kabayan” more often in malls when Filipinos who don’t know each other ask about something. Like at Starbucks in Bur Juman, this Filipino barista greeted me with “kabayan, ano sa’yo?” I mean, I could be a thailander or a malaysian…you know. Hehehe
2. Filipinos has a codename for Pakistans as “patans”. Indians as “indianos” or most common as "pana" (you know why? yes...you are a filipino if you know why!). I am not sure though if this nationals know they're are being called like that.
3. What’s funny is that, storekeepers of different nationality are being addressed as “my friend” by Filipinos. I couldn’t help but laugh silently because I call my grandpa’s goat “my friend”. It makes me miss my friend, the goat.
4. There are Muslims who sells Christian paraphernalias like crucifixes, rosaries, bibles and Christian books, etc. now isn’t that against their belief?
5. Catholic church here in Dubai holds masses in different languages simultaneously at times. Inside the church, the mass is celebrated in Arabic language and in some areas within the church vicinity is celebrated in Filipino and in Indian language. So there’s a lot of people during catholic mass celebrations.
6. What’s amazing is that, although just a few, there are Arabians who are Catholics!
7. You cannot take a picture of the mosque! I am dying to have my photo taken with the beautiful huge mosques around here! But I could get arrested if I do that, sadly.
8. You should not stare at the black wearing gown ladies nor look at them in the eye. I don’t know why. You cannot even take a picture of them. So when you’re dying to observe them like I am dying to have a picture taken with them, make sure you do it unnoticeable.
9. There are a lot of cars here! Taxis are expensive cars. The ones I’ve seen are Toyota Altis and Mitsubishi Lancers. In the Philippines, these cars are already a luxury.
10. Luxury cars like Chevrolet, Peugeot, Ferrari, Mercedes Benz, etc are very common here. Even Filipinos own cars like that here. In the Philippines only the rich people can have them.
11. Public transportation is by bus, big clean buses unlike in the Philippines where buses are…well…no need to mention. And taxis, with expensive per meter charge.
12. Since a lot of the residents here own a car or two, buses don’t fill up unless rush hours and they pass by the hour.
13. Car windows here are lightly tinted or no tint at all. It is against the law. Only the Arabs can own dark tinted cars
14. There’s a toll system here where a vehicle owner purchase a sticker card where they have to stick to their front window and is digital. Amazing how they just have to reload it with credits and when the pass through a toll gate, they don’t need to slow down. The sensor above automatically credits the card sticker on the car.
15. Driving 80km/ph is already over speeding in the Philippines. Here, they drive very fast. Pedestrians make it impossible to cross lanes!
16. Car speed is traced by radars overhead the highways.
17. Roads are very wide. Up to 4 lanes in a single direction.
18. Even lanes are wide, since a lot of them own a car or two, traffic is very heavy during their work days! Traffic is systematized though. I mean, not like in the Philippines especially in Manila where if stuck in traffic you don’t understand why cars are slanted, vertical, horizontal in position in a single direction lane.
19. Since this is a city built in a desert, I understand now why it is hot here after winter season. They lack trees and every thing is bricked or cemented!
20. Streets and highways are brightly lit everywhere making it impossible see stars at night!
21. Most residential buildings are 4-5 stories high.
22. Rents are expensive.
23. There are ongoing building costructions everywhere. Tall tall buildings.
24. It is a common misconception that Arabs smell ugly. Arabs do smell great and they’re handsome. Those who smell rather weird are mostly Pakistans and some Indians but not all of them. There are nice smelling Pakistanis and Indians, good looking too!
25. Starting salary is…well…low for overseas workers, which starts at 2,500 – 2,800 dirhams. But if you get paid like that in the Philippines its already heaven!
26. Most of the shops here are closed during 1pm and re-opens at 4pm. I was told, 1-4pm, they are worshipping.
27. I was told there is a lot of holidays here!
28. Since this is an Muslim country, I was shocked to find out I will not be able to open several sites I often visit in the Philippines. I completely understand that QueerClick, Waybig, and all other porn blogs can be blocked but guys4men and NathanExposed? C’mon! So I will not be able to read you Nathan for the indefinite time that I am in this country.
29. I saw males hugging and holding hands while walking. I am not sure what race they were but, wow! I was so amazed. They look sweet.
30. I was told that in Sharjah, people are rather different from the nationals in this city. Some were perverted that they masturbate in one darkly lit nook or even somewhere wandering eyes can see them. Weird!!!

Anyway….

I just miss home soo much. I’ll be missing Simbang Gabi and Christmas Noche Buena!! I am soo sad!

Labels: dubai, observation, people, travel

A tear fell when I read this:

If only life was easy as baking a ready-to-bake cake! The hardest thing in life is letting go. Specially, when you have invested so much of yourself in it. When we weave dreams, little do we know how much it would hurt if the dreams were to be torn apart.

i am not bitter with life. In fact, i still find myself smiling, cracking inane jokes. It is when i lay down to sleep that i visit the place inside where confusion reigns. i am so undecided about what i want – stay or move on. Either way, i will lose a part of my life. i had made a choice a year back and i feel i should stick to it come what may. But a part of me tells me it is not worth it while another part feels i would be letting down so many people. Selfish as i am, my steps falter as i plan to open a new door to another life. The choice is mine to make and i am numb. This i know for sure - i will survive, with or without love. And i know i will learn to trust again. If only i can take the first step…..

...because I share the same concern about what she said.... at least I know now, I am not alone.

continue reading A Gypsy in Search of Life... with her Love Sucks post

More pictures at OneLeg Walking (EmmaNation) Album

Reasons why I don’t like the Philippines, and being Filipino:

1. First of all, the government sucks. My observation is that people are making it a trend to disagree with the leader as one wrong move a leader does; they want him/her to resign the position.
2. I have no tangible evidence but everybody knows most officials are corrupt and steal from the people.
3. All officials are getting richer by the hour and majority of the people are getting poorer.
4. Service for the people seems to have a different meaning from what I understand it to be. Like the monks who devote themselves to prayer and obedience and serve God where they leave everything behind: wealth and earthly pleasures, and only serve God through which they are spiritually enlightened. To me service for the people is to be selfless and aim to make every Filipino citizen at a better state of life and living and these service men (politicians) be fulfilled with the ultimate reason why they opted to serve the people. But what is happening is they are robbing people instead of serving them. And they are being fulfilled with their own evil desires.
5. Officials disagree on almost everything. They’re opposing ideas and conviction that they are all right is putting the country way way down.
6. Incidence of political killings, robbery, kidnapping everywhere.
7. Education is poor. Education is not available to every Filipino citizen for so many reasons: military hostilities in some areas, poverty, lack of teachers, and poor education of some teachers.
8. Isolated cases of discrimination of classes.
9. Isolated cases of kids having sex. Kids can sell drugs. Only in the Philippines can a ten year old or even below buy cigarettes or even smoke a cigarette.
10. Jobs are limited. Salary is low. You won’t get rich with paycheck after paycheck.
11. Traffic = pollution especially in Metro Manila.
12. People neglect nature. Pollution, trash everywhere seems to be a pretty sight to some people.
13. …Or they are just lazy to clean and have it green? Or that they perceive the Philippines as a big trash can? Or a dump site?
14. The Philippines has plenty of resources that can make the country rich but I guess our leaders don’t realize that. They are busy stealing, debating, and silently terrorizing the people.
15. Filipinos do not have a distinct cultural identity, which I believe somehow create chaos. --- But….
16. I feel that there is a “conspiracy theory” going on in the government.
17. Historical places are vanishing.
18. As well as Filipinos migrating.

But the Philippines is my home country and I am Filipino, only less proud because of that. However there are many reasons, too, why I love the Philippines, and being Filipino.

1. The Philippines have plenty of resources.
2. The people are resourceful, hospitable and always have solutions to every dilemma.
3. Filipinos do not have a distinct cultural identity which makes it beautiful, I mean the Filipino race. We embrace different culture which I think is good however diverse. Madiskarte tayong mga pinoy eh. Kaya natin lahat! Wala nyan sa states”
4. The Philippines is a perfect example of Nature.
5. Beautiful people live in the Philippines.
6. Because the Filipino people are resourceful and “madiskarte”, they’re slowly conquering the international scene.
7. Talented people. But then again – the government don’t realize that. They are busy stealing, debating, and silently terrorizing the people.
8. Intelligent people. But then again – the government don’t realize that. They are busy stealing, debating, and silently terrorizing the people. And the only intelligent people would be them and no one else.
9. The temperature and the weather is great!
10. Overall, the Philippines is a beautiful country in terms of natural resources, and its indistinct culture.

I couldn’t think of more reasons why I love the Philippines and of being Filipino. But don’t get me wrong, I am a proud (only less because of some certainties) Filipino no matter how ugly the Philippines or the Filipino race is being perceived internationally. In my heart I know why I love it here and wouldn’t trade it for anything. I just hope there would be change, a beautiful change to match this naturally beautiful country, which I so much love, with its beautiful people.

A favor I ask to every Filipino all over the world (even if it is impossible to happen), please stop pulling each other down. Lets us unite, discuss our ideas and not debate on them, give way, stop hostility and let us live in harmony. Afterall, we are all beautiful people, born and is living as one in one country that we all own.

It is such a bore not having friends in the neighborhood! There were nights…cold lonely nights like this when I needed some friendly comfort. The need to hang out with someone without going that far and the need to have someone to talk with and have a few laughs is much needed in times like this. But sadly, I don’t have anyone near to just pick up the phone and call. My long time friends are far away. My friends in town live several blocks away which is a long walk from here. I have no choice but to sulk in this corner of the house and write this to get this lonesomeness over and done with! Damn I am yearning for some company right now for I am not sure how long will I have to be far away from home!

I miss my girls.



The photo above was taken sometime in 1997 during our semestral break; graduated from highschool, fresh from college.

Looking at the picture, our looks have changed a lot I can’t believe it. Should I say we got even prettier since then? Apparently, my friend AnnaLeah is disgusted with our old photographs that she disagree that I post some of it. But its fine fro me really. Even if back then, we thought we already look fabulous but as this picture shows, it isn’t just so. I think it is a good sign that we are changing – for the better.

I miss my girls. I miss the days when we were housed in one roof and there would be no trouble of missing anyone but instead, get irritated seeing ones faces that we have to get out of the scene for minute to disfigure the ugly faces we all got used to. *grin*

Anyway, let me share the differences of our appearance through these following pictures from the looks that we have before (refer from the photo above is you may):

	Bek always the boyish type...but sporting a sorta Avril Lavigne get up with her own style.
	AnnaLeah ...getting richer. She's the only one who owns her own house among us. :-)

... and AnnaLeah somehow resemble Paula Abdul in this photograph

	Lorean ...the sexy Lawyer. From "ugly duckling" to a posh lawyer. hehehehehe Sorry Lorean. ;-) You're pretty, we all know that!
	Janis ...has found a new love.
	Kristine ...happily married with a child

Today’s post is actually about Me, as it always has been in this obviously narcissistic blog few of my readers think. Ahhh readers…I am not even sure if there are readers but anyway, I just wanted to say something about myself.

Most blogs I came across with introduce themselves in ways they desired. Some are very imaginative and artistic, some very casual, some even tried to capture the never ending theme who am I? in their innovative ways, while some wrote just facts or this 100 things you should know about me kind of way, or a combination of everything.

Well I’d like to do the same thing they did since I never actually introduced myself formally. I started this blog because I was lonely and depressed some two years ago and wrote about the most unfortunate event that almost took my life. I casually mentioned in later posts that I am…well…a proud homosexual. Oh not that I am flaunting it in every avenues where I’ve been that I am a super gay or something like I am painting the town red (or pink for that matter) because I am gay! No, not that. I am just, lets say, being who I am. Was and will always be, Gay.

But that’s not all that in this was and will always be gay me. I do not know exactly how I will introduce myself in this post but let me try to incorporate essential details about myself in all possible ways of introduction.

Let me start with thy name. They say, in the world wide web, never mention your name. You can but at least not the whole of your given name. Suggestions of getting a screen name go as far as making the name of your pet and the street you were on be your screen name. So of I am going to follow that, I could either be Charlotte Lucia, Felix Lucia, Tiger Lucia, Batik Lucia, Scoobie Lucia, My friend Lucia, or Doggie Lucia. Now that doesn’t sound human for me. For the record, I am j3 if in the web but there is no harm if I say my given name. It’s Emman. For my last name, ok, let’s take the street I am on, therefore, my name is Emman Lucia.

My header, EmmaNation, would suggest I am all into me, which doesn’t sound very right. On the sidebar I mentioned why EmmaNation… which reminds me … my good friend Janis jokingly told me once I should’ve had “Emmancipation” as my title header instead since I should’ve long been emancipated in this house. I am still living with my parents, poor me. In a few weeks time I will be emancipated, that is in the bondage of my parents. And hopefully live my life independently. Even if it scares me a whole lot!

It is hard to think of things to say about myself. Words are there but putting them all together is the hardest part. Self assessment is also a hard part for what I may be today may not be me tomorrow. It’s ever changing. Instead, let me just say something what comes to mind and be as coherent as possible.

Few days ago, I was reading my favorite blogs. I came across the Alphabet Tag Ika posted which is quite interesting so I am going to copy that in order for me to breeze on some details about myself, aid me in sharing what I think about myself, and just simply mentioning the basics. Here goes:

A - Age: as of today, I am 27.

B - Bands I'm Listening To Right Now: none in particular. Everyday I just turn the radio on or play WinAmp in my laptop and jack it to the component. I play random songs from Justin Timberlake, to Jojo, to Rihanna, Sean Kingston, Dishwalla, MYMP, Rascall Flats, Nina, Nina Sky, Greenday, Beyonce, Robbie Williams, Ben Benassi, Sponge Cola, Calla Lily, 6 Cycle Mind and the list goes on and on and it plays for hours even if I am watching TV.

C - Career: I was a Call Center Agent. Now, unemployed for more than 2 years due to circumstances and health failing.

D - Drink or Smoke: I drink. I smoke, but I am supposedly not allowed to smoke anymore for health reasons. It is forbidden. I know, I know…I’m getting there. Quitting doesn’t happen overnight. But as of November 31 I haven’t smoked a single stick…hurraaaayyy!!

E - Easiest (Friends) To Talk To: I’m not much of a talker, only when I’m drunk that I get to talk even to a complete stranger so easily. I have to share this; I have this shirt that says “Thinking usually gets me in trouble” ( i am wearing it now) which somehow voice out one aspect of yours truly. I am a thinker and when I think I talk it and people get offended at some point. Perhaps the way I deliver what I have thought is offensive or just that I am naturally offensive, I don’t know. So I’d rather keep what I am thinking, and my mouth shut. BUT – I miss you Janis, I miss you Bek, I miss you Carmen and I miss you Kristine, you guys are the people who understand every crazy detail I speak of!



F - First Crush: even if I say the name no one would know who that person is. But this detail is too teeny bopper. I’m over this stage in my life. I want to be truly in love.

G - Gadgets: I love Gadgets! What I own? Just a few….

H - Hobbies: I used to spend long hours in front of the computer and surf the internet or sometimes just browse what’s in the computer but all that has changed. I get spasms when I spend more than an hour in front of a computer. As a result, I have to find ways to entertain myself. I love to walk. I love to randomly stare at people without them knowing I am staring/observing them. I like power stretching and getting interested in Yoga. And like everyone else, I listen to good music, read good books, and try as much to be a merry person even if the loneliness almost always radiates from my personality.

I - In love: I guess, but reciprocated? Nah... I have a lot of love in me, and when I love that someone I just say it so even if they don’t say it back.

J- Junk Food You Like: I am avoiding junk foods as much as possible because of my poor health. When the desire to indulge in this evil kicks in, I like Piattos, Chippy (RED), Nachos, Nova, Pringles Sour Cream and Onion

K - Kids: I am not sure if I want kids of my own, but I’m not closing my doors. There was one time I heard my neighbor’s son calling “Dad, Dad where are you?” in the sweetest, most innocent tone I have ever heard. A tinge in my heart pierced me through that how I wish someday a little Emman would call me that way too. It was just so sweet!

L - Longest Ride Ever: From here (Nabua) to Olongapo

M - My Perfect Nightout: lying on a couch with my lover watching TV or a movie. I know, I am a hopeless romantic. Oh oh! A night out! Well, I don’t have anything in mind. As long as I’m with the people I love, and like, is already perfect for me or a picnic by the beach at night or just lay down on the grass staring at the night sky sounds perfect.

N - Names For Your Future Kids: never thought about it, but months like July, June, November and all that is cute.

O - One Wish You Have Now: I lighted many wish candles at church for this: Good health and long life (80 years and over). They’re one, and inseparable.

P - Phobias: I am necrophobic. But I am not necessarily afraid of dead bodies. I thought I have overcome the fear of death but it seems I have not. I am afraid of dying. I also am afraid of diseases especially life threatening diseases!!!

Q - Favorite Quote: "what you have become is a result of what you have thought." - Buddha

R - Reasons To Smile: I barely smile. When I see familiar faces, people I know I greet them with a smile. I am never a snob. Lately, Pokwang makes me smile, she makes me laugh. “Do you know me” Roderick Paulate is hilarious when he delivers that line. I don’t exactly know what makes me just smile. You know, that moment when you’re alone and you just thought of something and then you smile? I haven’t done that in a long time. I guess there is nothing to make me ultimately smile like that as of now.
On the other hand, I’d like to quote “it’s when I smile that I was able to hide every damn pain I have inside. But it’s also when I smile that I have created the biggest and most hurtful lie.”

S - Sleeping Time: differs. But once I wake up regardless of the time I wake up or how long I slept (usually minimum of 5 hours), I don’t take naps or second rounds of sleep.

T - TV Channels: no particular preference of any channels

U - Unknown Fact About You: hypochondriac and psychosomatic. I over think too much!

V - Vegetable You Hate: none, my diet mostly contains vegetables and fish meat. I am trying to be a vegetarian at most.
W - Worst Habit (vice): I used to smoke excessively. And watch porn too much. :-)
X - X-rays You’ve Had: chest, neck, left leg several times

Y - Yummy Foods: I am a sucker for pork adobo before (yum yum!) but I have to restrain myself from that tastiest Filipino dish, again, due to health reasons! Damn health! Alternatively, I go gaga for Green Salads.

Z - Zodiac Sign: Leo

The ABC’s still does not say who I really am, at all but lets have it at that. Tomorrow is another day and I may change. Particularly saying that I am this and that will be apparently irrelevant by then.

But the 20 things that will describe me as me (to the best of my knowledge):

1. I hate it when someone sends me a text message with exclamation marks after each sentence, not just one but two or more even if the thought of the sentence would only best be ended with a period. It makes me think they are shouting, angry and outraged! Note: exclamation in the end, I am outraged by messages like that in return.
2. I am a dog lover, animal lover to be exact, except snakes. They scare me.
3. I love trees. But I am no hippie making love to a tree.
4. I am very particular with pseudo signs, or let me say, for example, when I check the time and it says 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44, 5:55 or the military time equivalent, it makes me think it means something. Also, when I see posts in neighboring houses that are aligned, or anything that files up, wherein they are not intended to be aligned like that, they just happen to be aligned, makes me think it means something. Crazy. I know.
5. As much as possible I don’t want to travel or go anywhere when it’s between the time 2 or 3 o’clock regardless if its daylight or at night. I have to let that mysterious (for me) time pass.
6. I am not religious but a semi practicing catholic. I believe in the ultimate God. And I respect, and believe a fraction of, all sorts of religion for they are similar in so many ways.
7. I believe that Moses, Jesus, Siddharta Gautama, Muhammad and all founders of the many religions are messengers of God. They are my brothers who I respect and look up to. As the thought of the book of Upanishad which means “to sit down before” whoever has knowledge of the truth, I sit down before them and hear what they have to teach. Or maybe I’m getting that all wrong, but them as messengers of the truth from God needs to be respected and at least be heard. And it’s up to you, and I to believe or not to believe. God is the only one I worship. Them, I respect.
8. As I have mentioned in number 7, I only believe in one true God. The God who is the source of all things.
9. I am a child in a young adult’s body. I need to grow up.
10. I do “The Salute” in yoga several times. It’s the only Yoga steps I have mastered so far. I have to learn the other steps very soon with a guru.


11. I am afraid of death and dying.
12. I want to be cremated when I die.
13. I don’t want other people to see me when I’m a cold corpse, so I want to be cremated. If not, my family is the only one who should see me dead and no one else. And I mean it, NO ONE ELSE!
14. I still dream of a place which is a combination of rural and urban, a city beach or a place that is industrialized with a country touch to it. I love Nature but I also love the modern world.
15. …but I prefer the country living from the city life. But if there’s a place where there’s a city in a country then I will prefer that. I guess New York is a good place to live in, or Ireland, Sydney, and HongKong particularly in Victoria’s Peak. I love it in Victoria’s Peak. Lots of trees, a baseball field I suppose it was, nice place to reside and you could see the city from there!
16. I don’t know how it is to be in love but I know what love is.
17. The song “Ikaw” of Sharon Cuneta and that song with “kahit maputi na ang buhok mo” lyrics and that grow old with you song by Adam Sandler nad recently, Someday by Nina makes me cry.
18. I am gay since birth. There was a period of bisexuality when I was in my sophomore-junior year of highschool. But I knew I was Gay all along, will always be.
19. …and I am (practically) single since I was born. I had my very first boyfriend who is younger than I, a year ago. Well, technically, we were just virtually in a relationship. We don’t get together very often although he lives a few houses from mine. I got tired of it, so I let it go. But what is satisfying is that, he doesn’t deny me. When people ask him if we were in a relationship, he says yes with no hesitation. Nice. But anyway, I am single. Has always been. Looking? You bet!
20. I have a sad soul. I am very lonely. This text message I received from my friend Gani (who’s having troubles of his own right now) last night must be written all over my face to remind me always to Never search your happiness in others, it will just make you feel alone. Rather, search it in yourself; it will make you feel happy even if you are left alone…and I am at a loss what to say next. Maybe, well, I am just me, a changing being, who barely smiles and is about to die.

If any questions are troubling you, my reader, after reading this, feel free to ask me. I’ll be happy to answer.